Yes, my assertiveness is a key. I need to reclaim that without being heard as dismissive.
Yes, I have gone dark more and more but you push that envelope with "pitch black I-have-a-life-and-I-am-going-to-live-it-happily-whether -you-want-to-come-along-or-not." I did some of that earlier but haven't quite gotten to the level you suggest. She keeps discovering things happening in my life that I didn't tell you about, from installing a new (and long overdue) toilet in the bathroom to a party for my Dad's 90th birthday and more.
Your third point about fire is on target. And that is my own internal struggle to rediscover and ressurrect my passion (FIRE). I am trying to do that by going back to where my passion had been, in my writing. I joined a small writers group to be a support system to get my fires going again but I need to do more. That's where my passion comes alive and I am reaching out to a variety of other groups to do that too. I just haven't yet caught ON FIRE but I am working it. Many years of protecting myself from being passionate as a way to survive my job situation has meant I need to remove those protective layers.
I have been passionate about our marriage and wanting to save that and come together. Passionate, not begging. But yes I am a quiet, mild mannered guy and this is hard to show my emotions in a way that works for me and communicates well. That's not a crutch, I will work on it more. Damn it!
