Thank you for your very detailed and insightful response. I will be re-reading what you wrote more than once because I seem to resonate to many points you made.
By the way, ML means "married life," I presume?
You noted that "I do think familiarity and the comfort it brings, is underrated." Bingo. She is currently well-nested in an apartment, surrounded by many rowing friends, and has a well-paying job (though it doesn't take much to trip her financial worries), so she is happy in her freedom. Yet when she visits I do sense I am almost like her visiting her father in the sense of familiarity and comfort, someone she could always count on.
"If your wife is in her forties or close to it, she may be dealing with hormonal or MLC issues and finally wants to face her fertility/sexual/romantic sides before it's too late." She is 47, and yes you are correct.
Quote: OF ALL the issues surrounding your M or D, I feel intuitively, that if you learned to effectively communicate with her about this, it'd be the biggest change she could see, or feel. What about telling her you are "working on it" and letting her wonder what that means, or with whom? Not in a petty mean way, but a cognitively aware way that shows her you "get it".
Great idea. Thank you. And I actually am working on it but I have not said that in that way.
Quote: What does your wife Want in a happy M? And oh, btw, The 2nd thing in your favor is what her note said about loving you, always....That is no small thing. IOW, I think, if this issue were resolved, that'd be the single biggest step forward wouldn't it?
She wants intimacy, emotional connection, including good sex (she's said the first two but hints at the last). She also wants me to want to travel with her, to be more curious, to have more friends of my own and a support system of my own, and she wants me engaged in what interests her, not just biding my time until some event is over. "if this issue were resolved, that'd be the single biggest step forward wouldn't it?"-- what do you mean here?
Quote: maybe even see one of those sex t's. And though I hate saying this, since it feels disloyal, there is one other thing you should know. My H is approaching 50, and lately I can see that the need for Viagra may not be that far away...but it's not that big a deal. Why? Because it's not mandatory because H knows other things. So, you can too. Don't underrate sex. It's obviously something that counted, to your wife.
Yes I am thought of sex t's and therapists and Viagra -- I am willing to do any or all. Haven't told her that though. It is that important and I will try to find a way to tell her. Very sensitive subject for us.
