I don't know. I haven't had aproblem with my family. But I tend to be a very forceful preson. I pack myself with research and then present it. I tell them what I want, what I'm doing and why. I tell them that if they want to diagree with me...they can go somewhere else...but this is my life and I'm the one who has done the research...I know what I'm doing.
Dealing with your wife may be zen like. But dealing with family and friends isn't. I speak with authority and just don't have a problem. I do feel that if I dind't speak with authority and back what I say with research...they would sense the weakness and strike.
It may sound callous. But I haven't had to be callous because people support me and accept my actions whether they disagree or not. I haven't had to cut them off.
And there are some whom I try not to discuss it around. They are curious about what's going on...so I update and that's it.
My family also knows that their arguments really won't get anywhere with me because I'm a Stander...and thus believe in saving my marriage at all costs. So Sweetheart's affair isn't a reason to divorce in my personal belief system. No amount of reasearch they could bring that counters mine can override the personal belief system.
You do seem like a more passive personality type than I am...superficially at least. I often wonder if people who don't see Sweetheart and me together assume I'm passive--such as his coworkers. But no one who sees us together even thinks that...I guess I'm just too strong a personality.
But given that...my SIL has said that my appearance of what she called passivity or submissiveness has helped Sweetheart's family in their view of me. I am more nurturing and attentive of him now...and to some that is submissive I guess.
But you also have to accept that they aren't going to agree with you and let their comments rool away. But I would first try telling them that it's your life and your choice...I've also gone as far as to tell them I simply don't care what they think about it. That may be rude...but I've done it in the beginning and prefaced it with an apology. "I'm sorry, but this is my life, I know what I'm doing and though I would like it if you will be there for me, but I really don't care whether you approve or not."
