My reply to Holly from earlier thread, at the end:
Holly,
Yes, you are correct, no response that I saw. Good point.
Yes, I need to decide on a direction, and yes that has been a struggle for me. Most of all I have chosen to want my marriage but not the old marriage, since I know that wasn't working, but a new marriage with my W.
You say this:
Quote: Decide you can not take it any more and allow the D to initiate then take DB advice and change directions AND stand for my marriage.
This is a bit of mental and emotional gymnastics I haven't quite gotten yet.
Quote: And I am in the legal process to end the marriage that I do not want to end. That is PMA and GAL working, at it's most effective.
So because the State requires me to participate in the legal process and because mediation tends to be less nasty and far less expensive, I should eventually enter into a mediation with my W. But at the same time, apply PMA and GAL, I am potentially paving the way to reconnect and reconcile to essentially commence a new marriage with my W. Am I getting this correct, as you understand it? This is a "two-track" parallel process?
Quote: Do you really want a wife that you have to talk into continuing your marriage? I want my H to CHOOSE me and our future marriage. (A new M even if it does not legally end).To make this choice he has to find his own answers, not the ones you try to provide, to shorten the time you will suffer.
No, I don't want a W who I have to talk into continuing our marriage -- I know that can't work; yes, I want a W who choses to be in a marriage with me, but one who has resolved much of what she has needed to resolve which has little to do with me directly and is prepared to resolve what does have to do with me directly.
Quote: You will smile and laugh and have adventures without your wife in the meantime. This will help you get through the process.
Right now -- today -- I am working hard on PMA and GAL and hopefully moving toward smiling and laughing and having adventures without my W again. I am not there yet but this day has been better. Thanks for the kick in the pant given with care, Holly. This is hard stuff to get into my brain and soul, so hearing it expressed again and again in several different ways helps.
