Didn't realise you were in this forum too - I just saw your post in Surviving the D.
As you know, I think your H is a good candidate for NPD, and they recommend NO CONTACT (beyond what is needed for co parenting) as otherwise you will be manipulated in every which way. You needed to visit some sites and read up about setting and maintaining boundaries.
Look at his site, it has tons of ino and links down the left hand side -
