As usual, minus the ED stuff (maybe, my W has eating issues too, but I don't THINK they are of the "disorder" level) your sitch almost exactly mirrors my own. I am in the EXACT same place and am plagued by the exact same things. I have expectations (thanks UD for reminding me how bad those are) and my W does the same damn thing in regard to ANYTHING I do that seems to be pulling back. She immediately calls me on it, acting as if it's some kind of attempt to manipulate the situation. The sad part is that she's usually right.
I am really going to listen to UD because I really think that patience and a general lack of expectations would go a LONG way in allowing my W the time and space to make her full return to our R. I think when I say our sitches are exact, I am exaggerating a bit because I do feel my W is willing to do SOME things to be more happy but in general, I think she is still caught up in that idea that being with OM simply made her happy and being with me does not. She still doesn't get that SHE can have a lot to do with that by choosing to be happy and then trying to make our situation contribute to that happiness instead of relying on some R to do everything for her.
Rob, I hate to see you back here with a lot of the same problems I have but you know what? That just means that it's part of the process because you are NOT me, and your W is not mine, and our sitches are NOT the same, yet they are SO similar. There must be some universals to be found in all this, and I think UD managed to outline a few of them for us.
I think it's really up to US (still, sadly) to recognize that this is a long-haul thing, not a "one week to save your marriage" (BTW, is that on yet? Anyone seen it?) kind of thing.
Rob, you have come so far, don't let your brain start to make your heart seem wrong. You know you want love to prevail and your continued perseverance is evidence of that.
