An interesting perspective....

[PArob]

Okay, it still occurs to me that in reading my last post that I'm babbling on and I guess its merely a reflection of my thoughts at this point. The point is, I want to detach, I want to GAL as much as possible, I want all of these things. In the meantime, I want my W to find happiness, to get the help that she needs (which is critical in some respects). She has told me many times that she wants this life and she wants to find the happiness that we used to have, but her actions in no way come close to resembling her words. This is major for me. If I could see some sign that she is willing to help herself, I would be willing to throw myself into 110% and I guess this is my biggest problem....where I have the most self-doubt because I keep looking for signs that she is trying and either I'm too blind to see them or they are just not there. And this is what I'm struggling with. Over the past several months, things have not changed much with regard to her actions....as far as I know, the A is over, but I don't doubt that some of those feelings linger. She has told me she doesn't want a life with him and that she wants our life, with me and our girls. Okay. I accept that. In the meantime she is hollow, emotionless, distant, moody and bitter. Much of what she is feeling is, I beleive, is attributable to her ED and the general malaise regarding life that it brings along with it. And the longer it continues, the worse she becomes. I guess its like having a WAS on emotional steroids because everything that a WAS feels (guilt, anger, hopelessness) is magnified 10x for her. In turn, I have no idea how to act because if I create any distance, its automatically viewed as a manipulative ploy on my part, or a reaffirmation of her own feelings of no self-worth (I mustn't be worth the effort because I don't deserve it). If i cling to close, I'm overbearing and controlling. This is my dilemma.

Imagine living with Eeyore from Pooh.......lol