Wow EM! What a nightmare. I seem to detect a thread here regarding the behavior of both your W and your stepson. Neither one of them appears to be willing to accept any responsibility for their actions and resents being reminded that they need to do so. It is like they are cut from the same cloth. Both you and I know that both parents have to be unified in their approach to discipline, or the kid will play it to his advantage by pitting one parent against the other. And from the sound of it your stepson has been doing this for years, your W has encouraged his bad behavior, and he is now in serious difficulty and really requires a strong dose of hard love. The fact that your W doesn't see it this way, and has never seen it that way puts her own character and judgement in a very bad light. Doesn't she care what her son is turning into before her very eyes? To what extent has your opposite approaches to recognizing and tolerating bad behavior been a destabilizing influence on your marriage? Has your W ever shown any signs of real maturity and selflessness over the years? It is obvious that you love her and care a great deal about her, but the more I read the less I understand why. There must have been some real positive aspects to her personality at one time. Again, I wish you strength, patience, and wisdom. I too am worried about your daughter.
