This one is really tough! Your W is still confused and torn between you and the OM. It makes you wonder if she is playing a game, or if she even realizes what she is doing. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to the OM although I don't give a rat's *ss about him, his mother, or his health. I just don't know enought about DB'ing and am not experienced enough to recommend exactly what to do. I would suggest not confronting her yet and to continue being as patient and kind as you can be. (Easy for me to say!). It appears in her confused state that she still wants to maintain a M with you and be with the kids, but is not totally willing to break off the R with OM. That is a stupid and unrealistic expectation on her part but the MLC WAS thinking is usually deluded.
I have a friend here with a long time (26 year) marriage and three wonderful kids. He went through MLC and gradually fell in love with a co-worker. His W found out about it and moved out. He insisted that they still maintain a relationship while he continued to play around with the OW. We thought for sure they were headed for divorce since this was unacceptable to his W. All of a sudden he saw the light and pulled out of it. He and his W are back together and getting along great. She just held a spectacular 60th birthday party for him a few weeks ago, and he, his W, and kids will be travelling to Spain together. I mention this because I still believe there is hope for your situation inspite of your W's current frame of mind. From what you have described of the OM, I don't see your W being able to maintain an R with him. I repeat, the guy is a loser.
