I'm sorry you find yourself here. It is a wonderful place in many ways and there are a lot of very wise, seasoned veterans that may offer you some help.
I am married to a serial cheater. We are presently in the process of divorcing. He walked away 10 months ago to be with his latest GF. I did not know that he had cheated repeatedly for most of our marriage (21 years) Very early on in our journey, his counselor suggested that he read Private Lies by Frank Pittman. H chose not to read it, but I did. I found it very helpful and straighforward.
I would agree with GH. When there is serial cheating, there are some significant emotional issues at work. I went to IC on my own and after 2 years I finally figured out what was going on with my H. Both my IC and our MC told me that this cheating wasn't "about me." Intellectually, I get that. It still doesn't make it hurt any less. I know how you feel. To discover that the marriage you thought you had was a sham, is extremely devastating. I understand how people come to choose suicide. The pain is CRUSHING and you want and need it to stop.
The way to make it stop is to start focusing exclusively on YOU. Do not dwell on the problems with your W. Take whatever little baby step you can to start moving in a positive direction for YOUR happiness. What do you like to do? What makes you feel good about yourself? And don't say nothing. Start somewhere, even if it's as simple as taking a walk. Force yourself to get out of the house and do things just for you. And truly detach yourself from your wife. Each day you will feel a little stronger. Try focusing on all the good things in your life. Try remembering all the blessings you have. Practice feeling grateful. It will truly turn around your mental outlook.
So I dont understand how someone can do this to someone they love and care about.
The answer to that is that she didn't "do" it to you. She was just out living her life. Doing what she chose at the time. Try not to take it personally. I know how hard that is, believe me. You have a right to be outraged and offended. Does it show a lack of character on her part? Absolutely! But do you really think her mindset was, "Oh this will really show Jeff. I'll get him by screwing around with this other guy."? No. And I doubt that she even gave you a thought. Other than, I don't want to get "caught."
The key to surviving this emotional devastation is to focus on you.
I will check back on you again.
Hugs,
Spitfire
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
