I feel for you. The pain can be overwhelming. While I can't relate to your specific sitch I can really relate to the emotions. I cry at the drop of the hat. On my way to work, on my way home. In the bathroom. I've had many thoughts of suicide over the last two months. It is only in the last few days that I am pulling out of the fog.
Get the two books and read them. And work on getting a life. You need to do things differently. It might sound silly but I even changed the type of underwear I wear. Join a gym. Get a manicure. A new haricut. If you wear glasses get new frames. Change your style of dress. Buy clothes you never would have worn before.
These things helped me to focus on myself. It wasn't the new shirt it was the going to the store and trying on new things. Looking at myself in the mirror and trying to feel good about myself.
I've learned that I have no control over my wife. She will do what she needs to do. Men and woman approach emotions differently. I understand today that by trying to intellectualize the A with my W only made matters worse. I needed to stop talking to her about my emotions, the affair and the relationship.
I'm still new at this. I have never been through a divorce. I love my wife with all my heart. I am an emotional wreck.
What I do know is there are a lot of good people here. Just blurt out whatever you need to say. If you don't get a response right away, blurt some more. And get the books and read them. And then read them again.
You are a good person and you deserve to be happy. Put those thoughts of hurting yourself away. It is just self pitty f-ing with you.
