Dude, you have got to STOP trying to clue her in!!!
She does not want advice from you. She does not want to learn. She wants other people to cover her responsibilities so she can go clubbing with BF. You are a convenient place to dump the kids.
My advice when she asks to leave the kids? Sure!!! You'll be happy to watch the kids! No problemo! Why? Because while she's shutting them out, you're welcoming them in. Use each and every opportunity to have your kids near you. Let them see you without her. Let them see you care for them, talk to them, read to them, cook them dinner, watch a movie, eat popcorn, laugh and live!!!
When they are bumming about her dumping them again, or ignoring them, be the one that gives them the shoulder to cry on. Don't make excuses for her, don't try to patch up her relationship with the kids. That's her business.
Really, you've got to STOP trying to help her. She doesn't want it, and all it does is cause you anger and grief!! Reread your last long post, and substitute in my advice. Here's how it goes:
W - can you watch the kids tonight? You - Sure, no problem. Hey guys, how about a movie! Kids - yeah, cool, bye mom, see you later! W - buy kids! (and she leaves)
This is productive - you build a relationship with your kids. The argument you had with her bought you NOTHING, except she probably bad-mouthed you on the way to grandmas...
You've got to THINK! Your *feelings* don't matter, it's all about connecting with your kids.
Connect with them, do the right thing, and you will respect yourself and your kids will respect you and you'll feel a lot better. She's sick and DOESN'T WANT YOUR HELP!!! She's going to act out, it's just a matter of how much drama you let her pump into your life.
