It is a surreal experience to look back at the past few weeks and seeing a ridiculous transformation…
From being a “single” confident, competent and strong person…
To the weeping broken mess lying in my bed… begging just to fall asleep… begging my Ex to choose Me and her Family…
And back almost being the person I was before… I’m still on some shakey ground…
How could I let myself be taken for such a ride by a person I know doesn’t deserve me… my tears…my sweat and my blood…
It feels more like I’m watching someone else’s life then living mine…
I always believed I was meant to fall in love marry that one person and be with them for the rest of my days… So the life I live now seems so much like someone else’s instead of the one that was “supposed” to be meant for me.
So now I work on letting go and cope yet again with the loss of my wife… and what I have learned is the worse loss… my best friend…
Note: Interesting normally by the time I write out something like I’m crying … I just feel numb…
I had a good night… my Gal friend came into town with her “horde” (she has 5 kids) and she stopped by work a little bit so I sent her over to my place to hang out until was done…
I gave her my Key so I had to ring the bell when I got there she answered the door and said “Hi welcome home”…
I almost started crying… it was so nice to have someone there who was excited to have me come “home” to have a house full of kids laughing and playing… ah there’s the tears that didn’t come earlier…
I normally make my bed… part of my 180’s about being a tidier person… however I didn’t yesterday… I jest felt like being messy… So I got home and my friend had made it for me… she said “I don’t know if I did it right… I just did it like I would mine…”
“Girl… you did it perfect…” no one has made my bed for me in such a long time another overwhelming moment of feeling someone doing something nice… just for me…
We headed out with her 5 and my 1 (D is at camp till tonight) and I took all of us out for a nice supper…
Then we went to a local pool with a water park and slide and we played there until it closed…
She gave me such a nice big hug… I headed home with my Son got him into bed and logged on to my Messenger chatted with some friends
My Gal F. logged on and thanked me and told me she had a very nice time.
