I made some plans for the kids and I on the weekend and I wanted to keep them an extra day before I sent them back to her… normally this isn’t a problem but she has a trip planned with her new BF and has arranged for our kids to stay with her parents and her timeline for her to make the switch around with them is limited…
I told her I would figure out something and left it at that… I sorted it out that night and planned to do it her way but I decided to make her wait till she brought our S back last night.
So yesterday late afternoon she kept Texting me about the “kid exchange” issue and I kept the reply short and simple and said “discuss later”… I even ignored one Text from her and a phone call.
I set it up so I was cooking supper – For myself only – and I couldn’t come down and just chat at the door with her she would have to come in and discuss it with me.
My “EX” (I have noticed the movement from “WIFE” to “EX” in my posts…) shows up at the correct time with my Son and is standing at my door talking on her Cell phone…
This is strange… She says I’m not staying I just need to know a couple things… I say fine come on up I’m cooking we can talk quickly…
She waffles and looks uncomfortable but I won’t budge and she still needs to know about the kids…
So finally she comes up the stairs all timidly STILL on her cell phone…
She says can’t you turn it down or something (cooking that is) she knows better then that…
I try to start talking with her but the phone is distracting so I ask who she is talking with… Hang up the phone so we can talk…
She says nothing…
I figure it out quickly…”Its “BF name” isn’t it??
She says nothing but her eyes and expression say yes…
I get MAD at this point (controlled though) and say WHAT the hell you think your doing bringing him into my house into our discussions…
She gets upset and quickly says “I’ll call you back” and hangs up
I say what the hell is that… you’re hiding behind your boyfriend because you don’t want to talk to me…
She comes back with you were so broken last time I was her I was scared…
I told you that was lack of sleep and I am better now… sheesh… I protected you for 12 years… you think I’m going to hurt you… I have NEVER laid a hand on you EVER…
Look at me I am better now I’m not going back that way EVER again…
She said you look much better…
I was in a bad way and I reached out to you for some help… for some friendship and you do this…
She it was to much you wanted too much… you kept pouring your heart out to me
(I know I was doing this and it was a wrong turn in DBing however at the time I was spiraling downward into depression and could not make myself stop)
To much!!! Give me a break… all I asked for was a quick chat without the “walls” up and you to come over for supper and be my friend… I don’t want anything more…
A few weeks ago… I sat here and watched you do the same thing to me and I took it… but it opened up all these old wounds and now you run away from it…
This is EXACTLY the opposite of how I wanted this to go… I wanted a nice quick chat friendly and fun and I was just going to let you know… I’m going to do it your way…
You’re the only person I have to ask over for supper… I’m lonely sometimes and I just want you to come chat… I miss being fun and friendly with you its that simple…
She replied with this… I’m not lonely and I never have people over to my house…
(Whoa… I never realized how much she has shut her self down from other people…) I don’t think she has talked to anyone BESIDES me about what’s really going on inside her…
Random Thought: “Not lonely… so why run to a new “BF” that you’re devoting so much thought and effort into…”
She backed down a bit and relaxed so I did to and then gave her a hug and wished her a good work week and sent her off…
I had something else to talk with her about for our sons Kindergarten assessment but she left before I could.
I texted her about it and included a funny joke and she replied (I was surprised she did but that’s a positive reaction)
So I texted back one more time saying look isn’t this better… this is how it should be with us… friends… and respecting boundaries…
She sent me back a text saying yes this is better… and that she’s happy I’m feeling better
I put my son to bed and chatted with a few friends on the phone and on messenger…
And thought through a few more things
Positives
1. Worked through what looked like was a situation out of control 2. New BF knows I don’t like him involved in our relationship 3. New BF sees “Ex” is not as capable or together as she seems 4. Showed my “Ex” that I am not going to tolerate interference 5. Showed my “Ex” that I am back to being the guy she “likes”
Negatives
1. Situation did not go how I wanted 2. “EX” ran to new BF for protection 3. I can See “Ex” is VERY messed up 4. She is involving our kids into a new relationship WAY to soon
Neutrals
1. I don’t know if I want her back or not – not unless she really gets some help…
I am almost at the point again where I don’t care what she does… as long as she does not involve my Kids with her new BF…
They are still hurting over this and she is so selfish she doesn’t see what she is doing to them…
Something she said to me in a previous conversation is very bothersome”
When she first came to me and said how she was messed up I suggested that she should not be in a relationship with anyone
This was her response: “It didn’t work… I couldn’t just focus on me… to fix myself… I needed someone else to focus on to and then I could work on me…”
Isn’t that one of the most backwards ideas / statements ever…
On the personal side of things:
“Don’t make me angry…. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” Dr. Bruce Banner AKA the Incredible Hulk
But I like me when I’m “angry”… all my friends commented to me last night how nice it was to see me back to my strong, silly, cantankerous and confident self…
I’m still a bit shakey… over her choosing to “WORK” (and that’s what she is doing) on a new relationship with another man instead of choosing to keep her family together and work on something with “US”
But I know… You can’t make the blind see the light… you can only hope they see it before it is too late!
