I was ok when I decided to end things with my "WAW" finally in Late April 06 and head for a divorce and move on with my life...
Then She came back when she realized she missed me and I was GONE totally from her and both of use believed I wasn’t going back...
But her actions and attitudes opened my old feelings...
I was OK, solid and heading towards a new life alone... Then she showed me the person I had been missing so much the playful fun friend who I had fallen in love with... was still there
So I began to spiral down into misery and depression knowing the person I still cared for was still out there and made worse because she has found another man and has chosen rather then to come back now and try to work things out to stay with him…
Made Further worse by the fact she was taking my Kids and staying overnight at his place so soon with them…
I felt like I was being replaced in EVERY way…
I hit a very bad place this past Friday after almost 7 –10 days of almost 0 sleep I was considering hurting myself…
I thankfully did not… instead I went and got help the next day… got some sleep and realized what I needed to do…
I contacted my “WAW” last night and asked her to come over… she was very reluctant… she was angry and defensive about me coming to see her at her place on Friday (despite the fact that it is my Kids house to – though I had made no move to visit them since the break in April)
I told her what was going on… she was shocked and sad … she said she was defensive because she felt being open and friendly with me made her feel guilty about her new relationship…
She was loosing sleep over it… something that never happens (Pretty sad when she feels worse about being with me then with a new man)… she said she was afraid to give anything to me… that I would “CLING” to it
I told her I know you are with a new guy… I give you my word I want nothing more from you then friendship… I won’t wreck what you have found there…
I replied we are just friends I wont go any further then that… any relationship stuff with us is done for now maybe forever…
I have looked up the information about rebound relationships… I believe she is in one however “serious” about it she is… I don’t think she has done the work on herself to be really ready for it yet…
I asked her to relax and be my friend to Text me if something funny happens she thinks I would like, or call me for the same reasons… have a quick chat with me when we exchange the kids… maybe supper…
She refused the supper out right saying it felt like she was playing house with her old family…
She replied lets just take it slowly… that she might do those things in a while…
I agreed… and asked her if she was going to apply for the very good opportunity job that would keep her on the same schedule…
She replied yes… So if she gets the job… come September when the kids go back to school she will have almost 0 free time to spend visiting her new “BF” without our kids to do the “fun” stuff that she likes him so much for…
She will buy her house in this town and I hope that he will get fed up with her schedule and want someone who is more available…
But that is a maybe…
What I know for certain about myself I’m not ready to have a new relationship…
I will go back to working on self-improvement and regaining my confidence the things that drew her to me to begin with. Things that will make me better on my own anyway.
