Hope is such a prick... I try so hard not to hold on to any hope and just live each day as it comes... but the hurt just keeps hurting...
Woke to that empty sad feeling... with the horrible questions...
Why does my "WIFE" need to find something in the arms of another man... why does it take this for her to realize she misses "us"
How long will this take… why me… what did I do to deserve this… sick self pity…
Its like a sore in your mouth you just can’t leave alone… even when you know its just making it worse.
Ok back to positives…
Very cool thing when we were still together… she would just come in w/o knocking which I encouraged to make her feel more at home… that hasn’t happened since the April split until last night… she just came on in
Always before my “WIFE” shows up I get “butterfly’s” in my stomach that go away when she shows up…
I asked her after exchanging hellos - when you come here… do you feel… funny inside your stomach…?
She looked at me “funny” and said - yes how did you know… I said I feel it to… you know what that is… its longing…
I can’t remember her reply… but it seemed to be agreement…
Alone in the dark I try not to dwell on her and him together (only Sat. Night and a bit on Sunday this week) and look forward to my own plans and possible dates this weekend
My gal “friend” – who is going through her own crap with her husband might be able to come in for a date tonight –
We both really like each other but both of us are so raw and wounded that we are just trying to get some comfort in companionship with each other.
I think today I have made another new “friend” if things continue to go well I will see if she would like to come out with me and my Sister and Bro-in-law on Sat. Night…
Then Golfing for me on Sunday with Sis and BiL…
My Daughter goes to camp on Sunday so My “WIFE” can’t stay long in Calgary with her BF… Still very bothered that she is introducing our kids to that situation so soon…
Monday night will be Kung Fu
Tuesday night… Son will be home will try to do the “family” supper night again
Will be hard week w/o my daughter home but hopefully I can make it a Fun “boys” week with my Guy.
I sent my "WIFE" a copy of an old funny Text from a few months ago...
I told her last night I had one that I wanted to text her, and asked if it was Ok… she sort of shrugged out neither a real yes or no…
So this Am I was feeling a bit down about being alone for the weekend and since my daughter is gone to camp I made a quick call talked with my daughter and then my "WIFE"
I thanked her for coming over last night and told her how much I appreciated it and enjoyed having her over.
She seemed kind of shakey, not excited to talk to me but not impolite either... she didn’t have much to say. I asked if she liked the text she said yes it made her laugh… (perfect~!)
I wished her a very good weekend and said goodbye...
Now I go dark with her till Tuesday… enjoy my weekend.
I could FEEL the confusion in her while talking to me…
I am hoping the conflict Rages in her HARD all weekend and will cause some issues with the new “BF”
So where I feel I am at... I have left the door open for her.. but I'm not expecting her to walk through it anytime soon.
Yup, the pain that usually comes from snooping is what finally got me to give it up. There are only so many times you can get slapped in the face before you realize that it is a waste of time.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
I was messed up so I decided to call my "WIFE" and ask if i could come over to see the kids...
She Saw through it and told me What…? You haven’t been here in forever..
I said Ok I we need to talk...
She said fine... I won't say no to you coming over...But it's uncomfortable...
So I went over... it was nice I haven’t been to her place since we split again...
She was very defensive... Arms folded... uncomfortable...
I complimented her on how nice it looked… she had gotten some nice furniture handed down from her parents…
We sat at her table and did stuff with the kids till it was there bed time…
Tucked them in and then I told her why I came…
I said look I can feel the hostility between us…
She said yes I’m very guarded with you again…
I said I don’t like this at all I felt like we made some real big breakthroughs and dealt with some very Big Issues
She agreed and said yes
I apologized and said Look I understand you’re with the “OM” now… I am sad but I am Ok with it… I love you and want you to be happy…
I promise I won’t do anything to mess it up for you… I miss being happy and chatty with you… I miss being friends…
She replied I have “OM” to concentrate on now… I can’t focus on you both and let you both in… unfair to all of us…
I’m not talking about being more then Friends… you are with him and I am ok with that…
We both know how we feel about each other… like we have unfinished business… we both feel the tension (sexual) that is there…
But for now that is done…
You wont text me when I’m there… I don’t know how he will take it…
No I won’t… I just miss the fun we started to have with each other again… I really liked how we were with each other after…
You haven’t talked to him about me at all…
She replied no…
I said Oh wow… that’s going to be interesting
She said I know you think I should…
I replied you do what you think is best…
She got a call from the “OM” and said “My-Name” is here I will call you back…
I commented how she looks very skinny… she hasn’t been eating… well she has… like me she has been forcing her self to eat… She said every time she does she feels like throwing up… I understand it’s the same way for me
I was got a Hug and headed out the Door…
I know it was a risky move… but I had to get myself back to a position of neutrality with her…
I see now she is on the Rebound BIG TIME with this Guy Big time… and there are going to be consequences for her to deal with…
The not eating is HUGE plus how messed up she is over not talking about me with OM…
I don’t think he knows how fresh out of our relationship she is…
The stuff that lies between her and I is so much bigger then she suspects…
I hope it Blows up much sooner then later.
Just need to Chill be patient and Work the Dbing.
Others have come back from FAR worse then this… so can “we”
I ran to the pharmacy to get some OTC sleep aides… they seemed to help at first… but it was just another night tossing and turning…
The whole night my brain just keeps composing an Email to send to the “OM”
I know no good can come of this… and I promised my “WIFE” but I cannot stop…
Because if I was this Guy… I would want to know… I don’t know if I will send it but it has to come out of me… at least here in private
Dear “OM”
How do I begin a letter like this? I am sending you this with a desperate plea that you would keep it private… a letter between 2 men who seem to love the same women
I promised her I would do nothing to mess up what she has with you... but she is not being 100% truthful with you...
I am “WIFES” Husband / Ex … She has told me she has never talked about me with you…
You seem like a decent guy full of fun and life I can see why she would be attracted to you…
But you need to know how recently we split and what has been going on…
I haven’t slept for almost 6 days now…
For the past 12 years I have love “WIFE”… I loved her from the moment I saw her and I still love her with all my heart and soul…
We split for the First time in early Dec 2004… got back together early may 2005, split Sept 2005… tried working on it while split till late April 2006…
It has only been barely 3 months… and she met you less then a month after the first split…“WIFE” is on the Rebound… this time it seemed both of us were done… unlike when it was just her… this time it was me who had enough…
Then On July 13th we were discussing some Divorce issues and “WIFE” cracked in front of me… she told me how much she missed me… that you were nice but that you were not me… in 12 years I have never seen her like that…
There was more on the Sunday before I left with the Kids on Holiday and they a wonderful exchange of Text’s between us before you guys left for Camping…
On my Holiday i discovered I still loved her enough to forgive all the heart ache she has put me through and I told her so the Sunday After your trip
She is still in love with me… but she is also starting to Love you… this is killing me… I cant stand that she is taking my Kids to hang out with you… its WAY to soon for that… not that I don’t think you’re a great guy… they have just been torn so much… that adding another “Guy” to their lives now its to much…
I miss her so much… it hurts… I can barely eat and forget sleep… I am going to a Doctor to get some help soon…
“WIFE” is also not eating she feels sick to her stomach all the time…. “WIFE” is torn between you and I… she likes you and even loves many things about you… but she is FAR from whole or over me… and I don’t believe she ever will be over me… I know I won’t really ever be over her…
She has chosen you… and I have given her my blessing… becasue I lover her and wish her to be happy... but for her to do this to you... isn't right...
She plans to stay in Red Deer for at least another year maybe 2 to work on her career… her schedule won’t change she will be a long distance relationship for you for a long time…
I fell horrible to write this to you… she should tell you but she is afraid…
You seem like a decent guy and you deserve a person in your life that is whole and honest and upfront…
She won’t be whole for a long time… and she hasnt talked with you about me at all...
I am worried she is going to hurt you and your Son very badly…
She is making the same mistakes with you that she has done with me...
If you tell her I sent you this it will destroy anything her and I have left…
Whats left of us will degenerate into fighting and anger... and my Kids will be the ultimate loosers...
It will seal my Kids fate... to never have their Mom and Dad back together… it is the greatest risk I have ever taken in my life… but I am taking it for them…
And Sir... I am taking it for you and your son...
I would never advise someone to write a letter like this… but she tells me that you are very much like me… If that were the case… then I would want to know…
You and your Son and My Kids deserve more.
End
Can I send this letter, write it a thousand times cut and past it click that button… break my promise to not “wreck” things
I don’t know…
What is the best that could happen… what is the worst… is it possible to overcome a guy that seems so great and an attraction to him from my “WIFE” that seems so deep…
I’m so very lost again back full circle to the beginning except… I know there is still love in her for me… She has said it herself…
Any longtimers out there reading this please please give some advice
roktop, what are you thinking of doing. please do not send that letter. it will not solve anything. i think it will probaly back fire on you and lose everything you worked for. she is thinking about you and your changes, continue to let her see your possitive changes, if you do this it will be a very neg. towards you sitch. she asked to you not contact him, and you said you wouldnt, you gave her your word, keep it. let her figure this out on her own. you have alot more going for you, your close, you have children with her, you have time with her, he has nothing, long distance, a few months of dating. keep up the good work and dont blow it by sending this letter.
Ok, I'm warning you up front, I'm going to be harsh, but I believe it is for your own good.
WTF are you thinking? Why would you even consider sending this? Stop feeling and start thinking! If you will start using your head you will see why this is such a big mistake.
First off you say that you are doing this because you are trying to guess what the OM would want and feel he would want to know this. That is a bunch if BS.
WHY? Because the first thing he will do is ask W if this is true. He will think that you are making up a bunch of lies to try and get him to back off. Reread your letter. It sounds like one big pity party. You can't sleep, you miss her sooo much, it's killing your kids,bla, bla, bla.... He doesn't give a shoot about that. Never did and never will.
Another thing, you say you think he is a decent guy. More BS. How can you honestly believe that. This guy is a selfish arse. If he was a decent guy he would have never gotten involved with a married woman. I'm not the most decent guy in the world, but when a married gal that I care about deeply, got drunk and asked me to come over to her house I turned her down (her H was out of town). Why, because I cared and didn't want her to end up like you and your family. That's what a bit of decency is. Not what the OM is.
I also like how you say that him and his son deserve more. That's a nice play on words to try and make him think that you care. Do you know again what he is really thinking? He is thinking how could you know what is good for me. How do you know that what your W is telling me is untrue. He will think this is just more self pity and lies from you trying to make him go away. Because he knows how much your W really loves him.
You know what, he may not talk to W, but if I was a scumbag like him it would give me the perfect opportunity to put the final nail in your R coffin. I mean if I was him, I would show the W your letter because I know it would piss her off and drive her further away from you. What a perfect opportunity.
Really think about what I said. File the letter away and look at it again in 6 months. You'll probably look at it and wonder what were you ever thinking to have written this.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
<You know what, he may not talk to W, but if I was a scumbag like him it would give me the perfect opportunity to put the final nail in your R coffin. I mean if I was him, I would show the W your letter because I know it would piss her off and drive her further away from you. What a perfect opportunity.
Really think about what I said. File the letter away and look at it again in 6 months. You'll probably look at it and wonder what were you ever thinking to have written this. >
I sencond this, and third it. Good advice Stevie Ray!
it is some relief that he is a decent guy.