Well…. That was the hardest night I have had in a long time…
I took a sleep aid for the first time since early 2005… it did not help… I went to sleep at 10:30 and woke up at 12:00 and tossed and turned in a groggy horrible surreal dream state all night…
I am filled with so many emotions… recriminations horrible doubts…
My life has come almost full circle back to the beginning of this mess…
It is as close to the early days of my pain as I can remember…
But it is SO different now:
This time my “WIFE” does and will talk about relationship stuff with me
This time she realizes she is not done with me… that she still has very strong feelings towards me
This time she is reading books about making changes and keeping relationships together
This time there is another man in the picture that is a “serious” threat
This time there is a woman in the picture that I like
This time I understand her need for space
I’m trying to keep busy… do things on my own… not dwell on her relationship with the OM…
Part of my not sleeping has to do with my relationship with the new gal in my life… I felt so guilty like I’m cheating on her and my “WIFE”
So I resolved to call her this morning and explain everything… to my surprise she understood everything I talked about… I knew she is going through the same thing with her EX and if he decided to try again she would take him back… she also understood that I did not want to loose her either… that there is something special between us… so there is one burden I can put down…
Something that is bothering me in the extreme is my Ex staying over at the OM’s place with our kids... I think it is far to early for that… I don’t mind her visiting him with the kids… but staying over with them there is just wrong wrong wrong…
That will be the only thing I will ask her not to do
I am going to tell her I talked with my “Friend” about what has happened between my “Wife” and I… in the hopes she will realize she should do the same…
I am loathe to suggest it… but I believe she needs to talk with him and let him know what is going on…
My Friend Todd… said the worst thing for him in a situation like this would be to not be told and things continue w/o all the facts…
