I won’t make contact with her till Thursday… and after that no till she brings the kids back next week… I guess… no texts… no calls…
I WAS ok not talking with her… but now all I have want is just a few minutes of her time… but it is causing her hurt…
Just got off the phone with her after about an hour talking...
She won't be coming out for Ice Cream tonight... I think the kids and I will just stay in they are having a good time with the neighbor kids…
She is messed up now between 2 guys
I started the conversation very friendly and upbeat but I could hear her…
It was a pretty heavy conversation… I really don’t want any of those… I just want to enjoy spending time with her… and build back slowly and surely.
Both points she repeated herself and agreed on.
Both of us are really frightened...
I know I want her back... she is not ready to try now...
She still is interested in working on “us” sometime she still has a lot to process…
She has started reading the books starting with Mars / Venus – VERY positive I believe she will go through the other ones when she can…
She has found something in the guy she is seeing that she really likes... I don’t begrudge her that… even though it rips me up…
Something that hurts a lot and I had a feeling this would happen… She REALLY enjoyed the holiday they had together this past week… it hurts me inside but at the same time I am happy she had a good time…
She said she was guarded with him but after this past weekend she felt it lessen…
Yet another punch in the heart…
She is feeling very conflicted and worried about hurting her new friend in Calgary... and hurting the his little boy who is the same age as ours…
I added that in my case... If the Girl I was seeing decided to go back to her husband… I would understand if she chose to be with the man she had 12 years and 2 kids with compared to 2 months…
We discussed the conflicted feeling and I indicated that I felt the same way… like when I am spending time with my “friend” I feel like I am cheating on both her and my “WIFE”
I told her that it bothered me VERY much to think that ½ the time my kids would be with another Man… not that I don’t believe he is a decent guy… but it’s just the same as she would feel with me and another women with her kids…
She indicated that she felt like she was just playing “house” with him… that they just do mostly just “normal” stuff like garden and get groceries together… etc. something I replied that I miss a lot.
In “OUR” (hers and mine) favor he lives 1.5 hrs away and she wants her space from him… she likes to go visit him but she also likes to go back to her own place.
He has suggested that he could help find her a job there and live with him but she just told me there is no way she would do that or buy a house there… she likes her space… she is happy to visit him and happy to leave…
She said she talks with him at least twice a day… that hurts but understand I would talk with my “friend” more often… if she was not so busy herself
On my side I understand and respect that she needs that space to work things out… part of my “pitch” included the fact that I did not care if she needed to have her own house… her own space
I told her all I wanted and needed was to feel like I am a priority and I am important. Sunday night gave me that feeling again and that’s why all this inside me happened
I understand that she has a need to feel independent and pay her own way…
She has been approved for a mortgage of her own, which is great, and I told her so
We talked about some of what we need to work on… Trust is a big one…
However on my side of that equation I trust her… I explained why… It is a private thing that I won’t speak of here however… I trust her completely
On her side she said she felt like I was keeping something’s from her… that makes me crazy… I am very honest… I told her there was only one woman I have “been” with since this began and it wasn’t right and I ended it and went back to her – that was the Lady in Sept / Oct 2005
There was something else there but I can’t remember it
I am prepared to do what it takes to wait for her to be with me… I’m scared she will choose to be with him of course but I asked her about the most important things I took from Sunday night
1. She would like to try again with me… someday but she’s not ready now
WHEN – who knows… can I deal with this limbo till then I don’t know…
2. She FEELS relaxed and comfortable with me which is what I wanted so much
HOW – can I keep that going and BE so careful not to push for more?
3. She feels HOPE that we can work things out
HOW – to keep that going… while dealing with the issues I have of this other man…
She agreed again to all these…
I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t bother me that she goes and stays with him and plays house with him…
When that’s what I want SO badly… with her
I’m feeling freaked out and frightened… back to this limbo world… of waiting for my “WIFE” to deal with her issues…
I’m doing stuff for myself taking trips, working on buying a new vehicle…
I’m also SO conflicted… I don’t want to mess with the heart of the Girl that I am seeing but I don’t want to give up what I have found there… in case my “WIFE” doesn’t come around…
I long for when it was simple just 3 years ago… just her and I and our kids in our house in what seemed to me a wonderful fairly tale world…
