Well folks… here I am back again… Off again on again off... on… off.. ON!!!
WHAT THE HELL
Sitch: Me 33 Her 31, Married 11 years Together 12+, Two Kids 11, 5 shared custody 50-50
First problems appeared Oct 2004… Started Dbing – 180ing w/o knowing what it was… mostly ineffective because I was looking for immediate gratification. Bomb dropped Early Dec 2004 I moved out to my parents place found Divorce Busting.com got the books and went to work.
I hired a personal trainer – Lost almost 50 lbs put on 20 lbs of Muscle and I have kept it off and feel great… Learned to be a better listener… improved lots of other things
Worked hard moved home in May of 2005 things looked better continued to DB but I had some trust issues I couldn’t let go of… come end of Aug things turned again and she reverted to being cold, distant and angry…
I had enough and we agreed to separate drew up an agreement this time she moved out… but she lived at home with me for almost a month before she moved to her new place… we made love often… and really enjoyed each others company… it was what I had been wanting all along we made time with each other a priority… but she still left… sold our home of 8 years and moved in to a new house
I started a relationship with another women … to quickly after my wife left… she was a wonderful lady… but she wanted to much from me to fast… and it just made me run back to my Wife and begin to Dbust all over again… I worked hard and it seemed there was progress… but I got impatient and wanted her to move back in with me… then for 2 weekends in a row when I knew she nothing but free time… she ignored me completely while I had set aside time for her… I had enough…
I decided that it was better to be alone and miserable then to be waiting for someone and be miserable so I decided to end it that was early April 2006
For almost 2 months I have been business like and polite with her but I shared nothing of my life with her and I had started seeing other people and I have found a beautiful girl I really like…
Then on the July Long weekend I was feeling quite down about my Kids going away for the weekend – I often make the joke I’m a “Daddy” that should have been a “mommy” resulting in my being VERY short and grumpy with my ex because I didn’t want her to see me break down or my kids to think I didn’t want them to see their mom…
So I resolved to apologize to her when she brought them back…so I did, I let her know what was going on and we talked… the most real conversation we had had in months… it was good… She talked and seemed happier then I would have expected her to be… She told me some stories about her last couple weeks and I listened and enjoyed them… similar things happened again when she brought the kids back we decided to sit down together on July 13 and discuss some divorce stuff… before I took the kids on Holiday the next week.
She brought them back that night we sat and talked… she seemed very unlike herself… we both talked about the other people we were seeing…
Then…
It was surreal… she cracked… in 12 years together I had never seen the way she looked and talked to me…
“I miss you… I miss you so much… I was ok I didn’t miss you or realize how much I did until we talked and you explained… I don’t even know why I was so angry with you”
I was expecting something like this to happen… but I was not ready for it to happen so soon or see such emotion from her towards me…
I was still very angry for the hurt and rejection I had been put through since Xmas 2004… so I spewed all of it at her… and she just sat there and took it… I stopped short I couldn’t keep going and say the most hurtful things I wanted to say…
Something made me switch and I offered her some advice… about a book to read to help her with new relationships (Men from Mars Women from Venus) She said she would get and read the book…
I was STUNNED since this started she would not even consider even looking at the my relationship books she got angry when ever I would suggest it…
She wanted to come over on the weekend before the kids and I headed out on holiday I decided Sunday night was ok…
She cried on my shoulder held me and said things I could not believe were coming from her…
I remained distant… I had seen similar things before… and recanted later… but never quite like this….
She wanted to come over to see ALL of us but particularly our Son (his birthday was the next week) before we left on holidays…
I had her over Sunday the night before we left and it was a little tense to begin with but she asked that I relax and said she has been looking forward to seeing… ME all weekend…
Again I was stunned… she was dressed in a VERY cute shorty shirt and low rise jeans (My wife is a very good looking lady)… I mentioned this and she said… I picked this out just for you…
Something in me… snapped and I quietly said to her
“I forgive you… It doesn’t change anything… but I forgive you” – I was wrong… it changed everything in me…
We left for Holidays early Monday… My new “friend” was supposed to come with us but circumstances prevented that… and it was a good thing… I found myself thinking of nothing else but my Ex…
I sent her a few text messages and she sent me some back they were fun funny and positive… She could tell I was down because I mentioned trouble sleeping in one… and she knows that always means I’m upset about something… She Texted and asked if she could call me… I said yes…
She called we talked… I found out she was calling me from her Boyfriends house!!!... she wanted to talk with me… to here from me… neither of us wanted to hang up the phone…
Me: “What are we going to do… I’m on a trip I was supposed to be taking with someone else and I can’t stop thinking about you… your calling me from you BOYFRIENDS house!! And about to go out for a weekend camping with him”
She: “I don’t know what we should do… you know… you always know”
She wanted to come visit us when she came home Sunday night I said sure…
We chatted more and when I said Oh I better get going… I listened like a infatuated high schooler as she hung up the phone…
I cracked… I spent the next 4 days crying whenever the kids weren’t around… why was this happening again… I was free before this safe from her behind my anger…
I resolved to put it out there again to offer one more chance at “Us” for “US” and for our kids…
She came over Sunday night and she could see I was a wreck… the first thing she did as she came in the door of my house was give me a huge hug…
She visited the kids a bit and they went and played with the neighbors… we talked… I laid it all on the line…
It ended with us holding each other so close on my couch and us talking: Her “I’m almost ready to try again… I’m just so scared… “
Me “Look at me I’m terrified to… but life is to short to not be with the person you really want to be with when you can see they want to be with you”
I gave her my Copy of Men from Mars Women from Venus my copies of Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy… she thanked me and promised to read them
I walked her out to her car and invited her for dinner to my place she will come over Thursday when she picks up the Kids… and I will cook her as good of a meal as I can…
I am doing my best to be very very cautious so I still have no real hope… I have been kicked in the heart to many times… to get excited…
And I feel I have found something special in the other person in my life… but 12 years is greater then 3 months
My “wife” called last night and I was out at my Kung Fu Class… hopefully she will call again tonight….
It feels just a matter of time… and all things will be right… I just don’t know in which way
