Corri it is harrowing to read about your life and you are just awesome. There are weird parallels between the way your mother treated you and the way my mum was, although nothing as serious as sexual abuse in the case. That is why I could see that you do have that anger towards her because I have a lot of anger towards my mother for failing to be a strong enough person and for showing me the possibility of being that weak sap of a person. I am left speechless by the conversation your mother had with you about the abuse. Un-fukking-believable. Nowhere near as bad, but when I split up with long term BF I went back to the house we'd shared to get my stuff and my mum came with me, OW was in the house. As we left, my mum remarked "she's slim isn't she?"
Thing is your mum was very damaged by what happened to her and she probably never felt like anyone had listened or understood. There she was listening to your story hearing what your brother did and it must have made her feel like sh!t. She just didn't have the emotional wherewithal to deal with it, all she could do was minimise it, pretend it wasn't as bad, make an excuse for your brother. Jesus I just hope I never do a thing like that to my DD.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
