I really think you did hate women because you hated your mum. You hated her for losing your Dad, for being powerless to get him back, for being reliant on his checks which never came, for not being able to keep everything going on her own, for needing a man so much you had to put up with horrible step-dads. I think you probably buried that one deep because she really was/is all you had.
I have no idea where to put your revelation. None. I've never had anyone put it to me quite like that before. I do remember my shrink saying to me once in counseling, "Corri, what if I said to you that your parents were incapable of loving you, that they never did? How would that make you feel?"
I remember hearing those words, and trying to respond... and I fell asleep in the session. He woke me up, about 1/2 hour into our session and called it a day.
Many years later he revisited that notion and told me that I had serious issues of... anger... with my parents. Until I could let go of it, and just deal with them as the flawed humans that they were, I would always behave with them in unhealthy ways.
I did deal with my dad. My mother is the last great frontier. I hope. I hope to God. But I am sure that I have made progress. I have not cut the cord completely.... but I can accept what you have said without defense. Just a terrible numbness.
