But it goes a bit deeper than that. When you set yourself up as a victim, you give away your power of choice. Meaning... 'if you would only change and be what you were, then **I** don't have to change, I don't have to make any painful decisions.'
It is a dodge. It is the FEAR of power, the FEAR of choice, the FEAR of freedom that imprisons you. I'm criticizing no one for this, because I did it for many, many years myself. It is a hard thing to learn, and even a harder thing to work through.
It is the ultimate power play, simply because we FEAR being Who We Are. (And Who, exactly, is that, by the way? I don't know... ask my spouse... they control the R... I'm just trying to keep so and so happy and I can't even do THAT right.") What if they don't like Who We Are? Gasp. Worse... what if I SCREW IT UP and someone SEES? Double gasp.
Whoa! This is really powerful stuff and it expresses exactly what I see in my wife’s deflections. She screams for power and control (like I do) but she absolutely hates to catch any blame for any thing that might go wrong. It is truly a damn if you do damn if you don’t conundrum she puts herself in. I have focused on it being aversion to blame from something in her FOO but I haven’t been able to find anything specific. She keep telling me her parents gave her support and adoration. Yet she is as she is. Why?
If I go with the parentification theory, that she emotionally was abandoned at an early age, then it makes sense that the world and her family was a scary place. I understand that emotional growth stops at the age these traumas occur, then that childhood fear carries over into today and her aversion to blame, yet wanting responsibility to feel accepted as an adult…..
Thanks again. You have been aaaawwwsssome today!!!
