Corri I didn't KNOW I resented and disrespected women to the extent that I did, until I decided to TRY actually being what I call 'girly girl.' And once I truly tried it... everything started falling into place This is a good to know. I can treat BB more ‘girly’ and see if my actions influence her to feel more ‘girly.’
I know first hand how damaging it can be to you and everyone in your life when you set your expectations so low, for you will allow things to happen that never should... all because... 'this isn't as bad as that.' Like Corri said, compared to what some of us have lived through, some current situations were not as bad as some previous events in our life. And maybe we (the poster here on SSM) even caused through neglecting to do something, not stopping someone else from doing something, or actually doing something improper/wrong our self.
Corri I am glad you illuminated/expanded/explained the differences between how your situation with anger and respect, especially for yourself and for others to respect you, sometimes you have to stand your ground and not allow the disrespect to continue, even if it takes leaving.
Blackfoot Briefly to HD, Lou and Cobra. A woman deeply wants to, surrender to a man, whether she will admit or is aware of it.
You have to have a strong sense of requiring respect, so when she steps over the line, you are ready and immediately point it out and require it. I started doing this (requiring respect) long before I understood many things in the books I was starting to read or before posting here. It took a long time and before I made any progress in the R, but requiring respect is something that I think is a basic necessity before much good happens to repair the R..
Similar to the steps in the book “Cesar’s Way.” With a dog that attacks people, a trainer won’t make any progress if s/he only tries to intervene when the dog is in it’s attack mode. Also little progress is made when the trainer corrects a dog only after the dog is in a barking mode. To be effective, an unruly dog needs to be dealt with at the first sign of excitement or disrespect.
I know R’s are not ‘owner/pet’ structured relationships. I am saying to myself and HD others?, allowing the situation to advance to a disrespectful level because ‘it isn’t that bad’ is causing us/OS more harm than we realize.
The testing and lashing out is not ‘at you‘, its them ‘afraid of you‘.. I will add it is also an indication that BB sees me as not supporting her sometimes. It’s a fear of being on her own in a big troubled world.
BF, I don’t understand why BB would be afraid of me in the first thing that came to my mind. I am not ever going to hit her or tell her she is dumb/stupid/fat/ugly/her jeans make her butt look fat, so what are you talking about when you say afraid?
Me leaving? Maybe yes but not likely. Me losing interest in her? Maybe yes. Me getting involved in my work too much? I did that and see where I went wrong.
If you mean afraid as in me not taking on the leadership role you speak of, I can see/understand that.
