Girl Help

[cinemanymph]

blackfoot,
My grandmother illustrates perfectly why people get stuck in their situations. She married my very handsome, life of the party grandfather against the advice of her parents/siblings and his parents. After bearing two boys, she was granted a divorce, a rarity in the 30s. It seems my grandfather was physically and verbally abusive as well as a philanderer. She raised my uncle and dad assisted by her in-laws. It was hard work but they never wanted for food, shelter, or clothing. Grandmother did not seek male companionship and still hasn't to date (she is 90+). She is deeply suspicious of marriage and was critical, unforgiving mother in law to my mother, step-mother and aunt. I suspect that she has a deep and abiding hate for women, herself included. She is unwilling/unable to see past the painful events that happened over 60 years ago. She doesn't feel empathy/compassion for anyone (herself included) because she can't see beyond her experience. Even though she is chronologically 90+, she still goes through that pain daily. It has got to be exausting to call up that ghost of pain on a every day. If her sexual desire was wrapped up in her unfortunate marriage then the only life she could have made for herself had to be based in control.

When good things happen, she doesn't seem to feel the joy. It's as if she is standing in a rainshower of good tidings and she is waterproof. It is truly sad not to be able to connect with her. I know that there isn't much time, but I've run out of ideas and have quit trying.