I was already impressed with your strength of character, and I now see it was born from having to endure many difficulties in your life. Where many would have collapsed under the load you have had to carry, you have definitely made something of yourself, and are constantly striving to be an even better person. Much kudos to you.
"It may not be that your wife hates women... but there could be some very serious resentment issues over how she views some of her wifely 'roles.' I know a number of my girlfriends don't hate being female, per se... but they do resent the hell out of many of their 'wifely' duties."
An interesting point. On the surface, the "wifely" duties are what my W seems to enjoy most ... raising the kids, getting the house arranged like she likes it, cooking, etc. She doesn't like cleaning, but there aren't a lot of people who do. But your comments are making me wonder if perhaps the "wifely duty" thing is just a front because she is afraid to really get out in the world. The SAHM mom thing is a safe, controlled world. I know, kids can be a REAL handful, but I think everyone knows what I mean. Outside the home she has to deal with adults and adults can do things that she has NO control over. Obviously I am not very skilled at psychoanalysis so I may be way off base here.
"I think you also made a good point about your W growing up. I don't know her... just from my own experience, there is a HUGE difference between being a 'girl' and stuck in that mental framework of fantasies and entitlement issues and how things are 'supposed' to be... and being a woman."
I think that is key and ties into the earlier point. As a child your parents often take care of things behind the scenes. My W's home life was VERY structured and organized, so I can see how she might be stuck in a "supposed to be" frame of mind about her life. Unfortunately, the fact that she still lives withing spitting distance of her parents, she has never had the requisite push toward womanhood. As the Bible says, "separate from your parents and cleave to your spouse" or something like that. She has never really had to lean on me for support, which is probably one of the things that can lead to true intimacy.
"I don't know what to tell you, because there isn't anything YOU can do, per se. Hence... part of the reason for the state of your M. But you know that far better than I do."
I think the only thing I can do is be patient and hopeful. Try to be the best man/husband I can be. Don't let her rejections faze me, just plow through them.
Thank you very much for sharing your relevations and your story. I have learned quite a bit about female perspectives from it and the ensuing discussions.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
