Cobra, I see what you are saying, but I don't agree with it.
I don't think you need your wife to delve into her own FOO issues to resolve the m/f dynamics. In fact, I think it's sortof fused to suggest that you can't develop your manly side because she is stinted in her own growth. I'm sure she IS stinted but *you* can help pull her through that by leading her. Sitting back and waiting for FOO issues to be resolved before you lead your wife into better pastures has a defeatist tone to me.
For instance, I read your description of your daughter's braces tantrum. Imo, what she was doing there was similar to a 2 year old's tantrum, who is desperately seeking the edge..the boundary. What she was needing from you, testing you to see if you'd do it, was a firm and swift putting her in her place. Raise your voice, slam on the brakes, whatever it takes and whatever your normal style of "you've pushed me too far, kiddo" is. I see that with your wife, too.
I am sortof that way. I push and push for my own way, and can be very effective in getting it, but if my H stands up to me in a forceful way, Cobra, I DO WHAT HE SAYS. Who gives a fcuk what I may say before or after, the point is that I respond on a womanly, basic level to his manliness. And I'm a happier person for it.
I think this is something you can do now, regardless of her FOO progress. Be a leader in your home, make and enforce rules, etc. Again, I urge you to not pay attention to what your wife SAYS but what she does. I have no doubt, based on what you've written, that she will respect this change and go along with what you say.
Quote: A year or two ago you were not likely to receive any of the m/f dynamics in a healthy way, right? A man playing toward your femininity could actually have come across as offensive, especially if you were not comfortable with that part of you. You may have interpreted his actions as condescending, treating you as the “weaker” more vulnerable sex, something I’m sure you would have hated to hear.
Well the thing with that is that her husband would have indeed been being condescending. So it's a little hard to compare and contrast a situation where the "man" was not acting like a man and so the woman could not act like a woman. It sounds like her new man is much more comfortable in his own Manly skin so she is much more able to respond in kind.
