I see not angry at them, not trying to compete with them, not trying to one-up them, be as smart as them, or as strong as them, or.... as a primary issue in our M.
I never saw some of BB's resentment statements about men in a light as having to do with her disliking some women, but your comment to HD makes sense.
I have to tell you, Lou, I have been putting a TON of brainpower behind this one.
Cobra asked me why he thought I could see it now, as opposed to some other time in my life... I think it is a combination of things.
First of all... the thing that really got me going on this was when BF said to me in some long ago and far away post to me... "Corri... you need to learn how to be a girl."
Well, right out of the gate that pissed me off. As I think about it and wonder why... why did that statement piss me off... I gradually came to the conclusion... that I had a disdain for girls. Why the HE!! would I even WANT to be a girl? The label, 'girl,' to me... was a put-down. A childish, simpering, wimpy, whining, pouting, stomp-your-foot, b!tchy, manipulating version of a 'can't grow up and think for yourself,' type of woman. I mean, it took me a long time to realize I was INSULTED by his statement... let alone figure out why. And as you read this... is there any place in that statement that would leave room for me to be angry at men? No. I was just pissed I wssn't one, and my jealously and resentment over that fact grew and morphed out of control over my life-time because I didn't even KNOW it was there.
Isn't that stunning? Startling?
Is there one thing there, in my mental image, that is positive about being a girl? Not one thing.
And then I had to start thinking, once I realized that... "where in the heck did I come to THAT conclusion?
Well... let's think about Cobra's recent post about how his daughter reacted to her lower braces. Sorry, Cobra, but to me, that does not embody female. That is female gone wrong. And I thought every womean on the planet was 'female gone wrong.' (And quite honestly, I think you can help her nip that in the bud, without being harsh or cruel... but, that is my opinion.... and one I will hold to myself unless asked to expound. No offense to you, whatsoever.)
Lou, I think your wife is pleasure deprived. She has no clue what pleases her, other than her pets... and she sticks with that, because that is what she knows... and she feels no pressure from her animals.
I think she sees sex as a performance issue, an obligation to the M... and therefore, cannot get to the whole 'pleasure' part of it. She may see it as something she 'owes' you as a wife, not something she shares with you as a partner... and even if she could wrap her mind around being a partner... she still has no idea how to approach sex as a partner, and not as a performer.
Just a guess on my part. But I can tell you... as I have shifted my POV... I can't even begin to tell you how differently I see the world, and how I would go back and change so many things.... it would have made my life so different... from being a daugther, sister, mother, wife... co-worker... just darn near everything.
Almost makes me sad. But not quite, because... well... there is no use beating myself up over something I did not have the ability to see... to do a Mojo analysis... why would you ever flog and beat a blind man for not being able to see? What does that do?
But. Thinking of how BF helped me... and how the current man I am dating has given me ample opportunity to explore my femininity and ENCOURAGE it... I think you can do the same for your wife.
BF is very savvy, and I guess you would need to ask him if he'd take the same tact with BB as he did with me... but if your wife is exhibiting alpha male traits... I guess I would say to her, or ask her... in a non-commital, non-confrontation way... 'do you know how to be a girl?'
I don't know where BF is... I think he might be able to help you here a bit more than me... I certainly could broach the topic with your W... but... she's not here, and I don't know your W... so. You'll have to learn how to do this. You will have to learn how to subtlely teach or encourage your W to revel in her female side. 'Cause she isn't, and I can see it, plain as day.
