I’ve been wanting to respond to this thread. I was actually surprised to read a lot of what you wrote her. I guess I don’t know you well enough to see this self-doubting side of you. I know you are very introspective and well aware of relationship issues, but the impression I always had of you was one of a tougher, independent, self sufficient, women’s libber type. So this self-doubting side is new to me. Just let me say that from what I do know of you, I don’t think you have any reason to have ANY such doubts and I think you would be great catch!
Now about your latest post on coming to peace with your femininity… I find this post very interesting because I think my wife, like Hairdog’s, has some anger toward women. She says her anger is really directed toward her father, for his abuse of her mother, and while I believe that, I still think there is still anger toward her mother. I’d like to understand more about what it is that makes women hate being women. You said:
When I was a child... I HATED being a girl. Hated it, hated it, hated it. I envied boys... that they got to play all the sports, that they got to ride motorcycles, that they could walk around with their shirt off... that they just seemed to run things... and I worked very HARD at being a tomboy, otherwise, I didn't have anyone to play with. So I dressed like a boy, acted like a boy, got into fist fights with boys, learned to play every single one of their sports... I rejected all things girl.
All the anger I've carried toward myself for being female all these years, due to some childhood notion I picked up along the way... I had NO IDEA that notion was still rattling around inside of me... NONE.
Was this because boy got to do things you didn’t and did you feel “punished” by not being allowed to do so? Did your mom or dad give more attention to the boys (assuming you have brothers) or at least give different attention (that you wanted)? Did you not get the affirmation/nurturing or other positive feedback to make you feel good about being a girl versus a boy? How did you come to realize you had this anger (other than your statement jumping out of your mouth)?
I'm so NOT jealous of men anymore... not angry at them, not trying to compete with them, not trying to one-up them, be as smart as them, or as strong as them, or.... ANYTHING. I see men and the whole male/female thing in such a different light, I can't even express to you how much I've taken myself by surprise.
Anger and resentment, to me, is the root of all evil, for it, is the root of stress. Of course I have to give myself a wee break here because I never truly understood what I was angry and resentful about... I'd tell you that sure,,, of course I like men. What I figured out is... I DIDN'T LIKE being a woman... I didn't like women... I didn't respect women, nor anything feminine, and therefore, didn't like nor respect myself.
Is this change in your anger due more to not being around an abusive husband or is it due to you becoming more independent and self sufficient? You’ve got such great insight into your emotions and issues, I am wondering why this whole issue has escaped you and why you have come to see it know now? I am not picking, but trying to see if there is a “light bulb” I can turn on to help my wife get past her anger too.
