I don't know that I have my sh!t together, honey... it's more along the lines that it all hit the fan, and when it spews back at you, it tends to stick together, kwis?
It's been my experience that it all comes in fits and starts. Somedays you feel amazing, you have the courage to smile, things go well... and then the next day, you feel like you've been dumped in a toilet that doesn't quite flush properly... you just kind of swirl around endlessly in the waste that neither rises nor falls... ewh. You have to do the HoneyPot manuever and stick your arm down the commode and unclog the stuff... hey... ya gotta do what ya gotta do, hey HP?
Quote: And I hate to ask... the 'stuff' that you and your XH went through for months? Was that after your D?
No... it was during the D. We split in June and our D was final/final in May. I say final/final because it was final three times before it was finally final. Legal stuff. Thank God my D came along and challenged darn near every statuet (HD?, SP?) on the books...
Uhm... well, the 'stuff' was mostly 'emotional' in nature. Anger. Zingers. Boundaries. Me learning to believe in myself and the course I had set for myself and the kids... there are some things you know, once you know them, and I just could not, ever, go back. Ever. I was piss poor with boundaries when I was married and that created many of the problems we had... and when I finally began to set some... jesus it was hard to stand by them. This past year, without a doubt, has been one of the blackest of my life... recovering from a D and a car accident at the same time... worrying endlessly about my kids and how they were adjusting... the emotional stuff... and that's really all I want to say about it, sorry.
Quote: I have been D'd for almost two months now... (was married 20+ years) and I feel so lost! I am trying to find my 'nitch'... what I like to do... but it seems like all I do is work, sleep... sometimes eat...
Well. That's part of the problem. Every day, set aside some time for you... buy a lip stick... get a manicure... take a walk... give yourself a home facial. Something. Anything. Just for you. Pretty soon, you will grow a fondness for spoiling you... giving YOU attention. Doesn't mean you will be kicking up your heels from a facial... but you begin to form a habit of thinking about YOU. For those 15 minutes, you get to remember what it feels like not to feel bad... or even numb.
Write in a journal every day. Not about how sad you are, but by listing, each day, three things you did well, three things you are grateful for... three things that are positive in nature. Every day do this. Begin to look at yourself and list what you like about what you see. And if you can't think of anything, find it. Write about it. Describe why you like you.
You HAVE to become your own best friend, first and foremost. Doesn't mean you don't ever feel down, doesn't mean you don't cry, doesn't mean you don't feel like giving up. But listen to that voice inside... the kind one that you cover up with your mental tirades against yourself... SHE is the one you need to listen to, for she will guide you out of the sh!t. She was there for everyone else on the planet in a life before, she is now there for you. Listen to her.
As for the men thing... well. Get thee down to the bookstore and buy "Mama Gena's Owner's and Operator's Guide to Men." Men hate that book. They should, given the way it is written. But she says upfront... "if you are a man and you are reading this book, put it down. It will piss you off." But. She does have a book for men, and most women don't like it, so there you go.
Like it or not... you will see truth. Go get it. Read the first chapter and then come back and tell me what you think.
Go. Go... go on, go. Go get it, now. I'm waiting. And as EVERYONE knows around here, I have absolutely NO patience whatsoever.
