OOOHHHHHHH... THAT kind of info... oh. Well. Yeah, I suppose y'all would be wondering just what has been up with me, DUH. I've purposely NOT talked about any of it.
Hmmm. Well, where to start. I heard rumors my ex was dating... but I think those are rumors. After the split, he bought a house about 1/2 mile from me, moved his mother in with him, and went about the business of living his life. We have joint custody of our kids, which I don't really like, but that is what the kids want, and they seem to have adjusted amazingly well to it.
xH and I talk about the kids. Period. And when we talk about the kids, we get along fine. We work very hard at being consistent from house to house, and everything involving the kids. But our kids were never our problem. You bring in up any other topic that is remotely controversial, like say the weather... and off we go. So we don't go there.
I have no idea what he does during his day (well, I do, just KNOWING him like I do). I wish him well, I wish for his happiness, I hope like no tomorrow that he finds someone with whom he can be happy, but other than that, I am done. It is how I know and continue to know, that I am done.
Right now, yes, I am dating someone. I call it 'field study,' and while on the surface that may sound rather cold, I also know that I am in NO CONDITION, am not even remotely close to having a real R. I've discovered some pretty flipping amazing things about msyelf, and I am having fun. I'm being 'spoiled,' as much as I will allow... I've also discovered that the commercial about Yahoo Personals and Match.com are a load of sh!t. Been there, done that, no THANK YOU.
I live in a small town. A very small town. Everyone knows everyone, and my xH and I were the hot topic of convo for quite some time. So I dropped off the radar. I keep my personal life to myself. I go out... with my girlfriends, and I test out all this stuff I"m learning about attraction and what it means to be a woman (as opposed to being a 'girl,"), and combined with all I've learned here, help of some friends, and all the flipping works I did prior to D... I'm a pretty intimidating woman. <giggle>
Now I'm crashing a bit. This whole 'becoming human again,' thing can really kick your azz at times. But, it's a good azz kicking and I need it. My friend said to me recently, "you have no idea what an amazing woman I am looking at, and how more amazing it is to watch her come out.' I don't think he was talking about my looks.
Now I'm getting slightly uncomfy... sharing all this stuff. Okay. 'nuff for now. Feel free to ask questions.
I can't even begin to tell you how humbled I am that you showed up here.
Anyway. I went to the store to buy that 'black' suff you were talking about. I unscrewed the cap and took one whiff... and said, "hormones be damed, I'm not drink this sh!t." So the girl behind the counter gave it to me in pill form... told me it wasn't nearly as potent, but I'll do TAHT for now.
Jesus, woman, you trying to fcking kill me or whaat?!
Yes - my periods used to be a non-issue but now they vary widely and some come with some very whacky emotions.
However, I do wonder if maybe some of what you are experiencing is more about anxiety? Could you have had a panic attack? Sometimes peri-menopausal changes can bring about anxiey issues. I could be off base but a great deal has happened. Don't look for zebras when the world is full of horses (a med school saying).
OMG, Corri, I'm sitting here choking... with a few snickers lumped in there for good measure.
BTW, please don't be humbled. Just because I read from time to time doesn't mean it's an honor to have me check in. I still care!
I had NO idea that stuff came in a powder form! OMG, I think I'd have hurled! I take it in a pill form, and the smell still makes me a bit fuzzy, but I swear, after 2 weeks, the symptoms do seem to improve.
If it makes you feel better... I walked in to my place of business yesterday in a sleeveless Doris-day like pink and white dress (I know that visual has to make you laugh) and normally, I walk through the door and the place is cold enough to freeze a side of beef. My hormonal self must have been a sight, because I see a few of my colleagues shivering and say rather snidely, "You've got to be kidding! You think it's cold in here? I'm sweating." Even a few guys looked at me. I guess my secret ain't a secret no more...
Side note: I haven't worn winter pajamas in 2 years--my nightly wardrobe has consisted mainly of skimpy shorts and a tank top for quite awhile now. I think my flannels are going to be mothballed for awhile.
As far as your feelings go and all the stuff you've been managing on top of it, I think you're navigating the path rather well, friend. I will freely admit that the first year after my D, things were rather topsy turvy and shaky at times. Things have improved 100% here, and I honestly think it just takes some time. Your male experimenting can't hurt either, if only to enjoy company with testosterone and the person is interested in what you have to say. It's a rather refreshing diet from the past few years, no?
Oh, HP, if I ever find out that you step foot in my state again and I don't get to meet you, I'm going to have a conniption! Sounds like your visits here do some awfully beneficial things for your life in the bedroom, so come on back soon!
Back to you, Corri--I've also found additional relief from minimizing gluten in my diet and increasing the fresh veggies. I know, I know, you're thinking I'm a horrid task master and full of nasty surprises... but the honest-to-God truth is that it does help. Now, I'd be lying if I weren't to admit an extreme affection for Dairy Queen. D9 and I have been making visits there pretty regularly lately. I might have to increase the workouts to compensate for my insatiable desire for Banana Cream blizzards...
If I can think of anything else, I'll let you know. A friend of mine told me she has a book recommendation, so when I check in with her, I'll pass that along to you for more fun nightly reading.
Hugs!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Sounds as if you are doing great at establishing a healthy, productive single life for yourself. I'm thinking your recent symptoms are due to changing hormones. When those start doing tricks any little bit of stress is multiplied or feels as if it has been mutliplied anyway.
I started perimenopause at 38 and for 6 days out of every month would feel completely out of control of my emotions. One minute I would be crying, the next feeling higly irritable. Not fun at all.
I want to second everythng that Underdog has said and add one more thing that helped me tremendously. Get some B6 and start taking it. That and the black cohosh saved my sanity.
Also, when you speak to your gyno ask if you can be given a 28 day saliva test. A regular blood test can only tell you if your hormones are low on the day the blood is drawn. With the saliva test you can find out if your hormones are fluctuating at different times during the month. With perimenopause the hormones are up one day, down the next. It helps tremendously to know what times of the month your hormone levels are at their lowest. If you know your body has a tendency to be low on estrogen on day 14 then when the emotional stuff hits on day 14 you don't have to go dredging up all those old psychological issues. Sure helps as far as keeping down stress and worry over how you are feeling.
When you feel motivated to do some research check out www.power-surge.com. Until then...happy "pausing."
You are one heck of a woman and you've been going through such a lot recently, stress has got to be a big part of it. I'm 44 and my hormones seemed to go all wacko a couple of years ago, but FWIW they seem to have settled down again (temporarily?). So you never know, yes this is the beginning but it is an up down kind of a road. Hands up over here as another woman who's NEVER had PMS, like GEL my H just wouldn't know I was having my period. Just thought I'd point that out as so many times women get labelled "hormonal" and it seems like it's not so common after all. I think if you eat right and keep yourself healthy your body adjusts to fluctuations in hormone levels. It takes a little while for sure but it does happen.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I'm really happy to hear that you're doing so well. You deserve to be with someone who is "spoiling" you . I guess I'm not as psychic as NOP. It's just that you seemed to be rather defensive in some of your posts and I couldn't quite figure out why. Are you nervous about becoming sexual again? I think if I was divorced and dating I would be nervous about looking fat or unattractive so I'm sort of projecting here. It helps me to empathize with women who have been LD if I make it analogous to my issues with my appearance because I sense that the same sort of reactions from my H that would make me very resistant to going to the gym in a fused way would be similar to the ones that might make someone resistant to being more sexual. Of course, it would be great if I could apply this kind of empathy to my LDH but it gets confusing when I mix it up with the whole male/female dichotomy. I don't know how to be compassionately assertive about my sexual needs/wants without being more sexually assertive than anybody wants me to be.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It sounds like you’re definitely going through hormonal changes. Something changed in my body after my second child was born. I had just turned 33, so I was hardly expecting it. In any case, my periods are still regular, but are heavier, last longer and there are a lot of clots. And the mood swings. Oh my god, the mood swings. Its awful sometimes, one out of every three or four months, it is unbearable. I feel intense anxiety, rage, sadness and sometimes – the emotions flip literally every few minutes. I don’t sleep well at night. It builds up right up to my period and then subsides. My doctor diagnosed it as severe PMS (they call it PMDD) and suggested Paxil. I decided not to do SSRIs, but am getting better at managing it with herbs, good diet and exercise and just a good awareness of where I am in my cycle.
Some things that help me: 1. Good diet. A zone type diet where the carbs are kept at a moderate level. 2. Exercise: 4-5 times a week 3. Plenty of rest and sleep: This one’s a toughie for me. 4. Supplements: I take evening primrose oil (I swear this one helps. I went off it for a while and my mood swings worsened significantly), vitamin B-6, calcium and a multivitamin. 5. Be aware of your cycle. After a while, you know when the whackiness is going to start, and you can control the negative thinking instead of letting it spiral out of control.
