Oh corri... {{{hugs}}} I suppose part of it might be hormonal or hormones may contribute to it.... but honey, look at the past year: you got a divorce. Hel-LO! That is a huge step and a huge thing to grieve. I don't care if it was necessary or if there is a lot of relief or even if you're having a pretty good time right now. This was a big, big step. Please don't minimize the effect on you, okay?

And giving up your dog? Omigod! (BTW, the expression is "bawling" like a baby, not "BALLING" like a baby, kwim? ) I'm assuming you can't have a dog where you live right now? That loss alone would kill me, but on top of the loss of your marriage, it seems too much to bear.

Don't get me wrong. (I'm divorced as well as widowed, so I know whereof I speak): even when divorce is the right thing, it's so immensely sad. It's an agreement between two people to... well... to kill the thing that they created together. Even if it's euthanasia, it's still a death. And a deliberate death. It's the death of the future you were supposed to have. That is an enormous thing to grieve... please don't trivialize it by attributing your rollercoaster feelings to hormones alone. I was married for less than five years when I was in my early 20's, and I never regretted the divorce, but even so, I couldn't listen to the radio for TWO YEARS because every song made me cry.

July 21st was the sixth anniversary of my husband's death, and strange as it may sound, I feel that I'm finally getting some perspective on the event. When you're in the initial grief, it is huge-- it's like being in a forest fire and there is no way out. Obviously, six years later, it's different... I came up with this way to describe it: when you're standing next to the Grand Canyon, you get the sense that it's a really really big thing. You can barely see across to the other side, and you know that the bottom is about a mile down-- that's BIG, and you feel it. But now, six years later, it's as if I'm flying over the Grand Canyon in a plane and now I'm REALLY seeing how immense his death is... my God... when I was in the deepest grief, it felt like all there was in the world was grief... and now, yeah, I've "moved on" (whatever that means), but looking at it "from the air," I can see the enormity of the Grand Canyon that I was in.

So your divorce is something very very big to be very very sad about, and exacerbated by the loss of your dog... oh baby, I'm so sorry you are hurting so much... and then the next minute you're up... until something reminds you... and then you're down. Yeah, hormones may be making you more vulnerable, but you've come through an emotional train wreck, so be easy on yourself, k?

P.S. For myself, I found that the best way to move through grief is to cry every single time you feel like it, no matter where or when. I didn't wear eye makeup for a long, long time... and carried handkerchiefs in all my pockets and purses. Journaling helps too, just pouring your heart out. ALLOW yourself to feel all of this stuff (I know you probably do that anyway). {{{{{corri}}}}}