Well…in the letter I basically told her I was angry and frustrated at the turn of events, that I didn’t think we had done all we could to save the marriage, that I was angry because we’ve worked hard to be a good family and good parents and all of that was being destroyed, that I was angry we didn’t talk about things the way we used to. There was more, but that was the gist of it. She said when she read the letter and since she got back that she wants to write me a reply. After this info, the MC suggested that was a good thing…even if the reply is 99% negative, there will be something there to work with. He said just the mere fact she is not choosing to completely ignore it is a least a little positive. He suggested I write another letter, this one a straight up love letter…no begging or pleading, just a letter stating how I feel. His concern was that my initial low key response to the bomb and subsequent efforts to detach may have signalled to her that I was accepting of the divorce. I wrote the letter and gave it to her the morning after she got back. She read it right away, said it was very nice and sweet, but that if made her feel “guilty as hell”. I told her I just didn’t want there to be any doubts in her mind about my feelings in this matter. I also told her I had no expectations of ever talking about the second letter. We did have a couple of minor “R” related discussion…mainly because it is getting close to the time for both me and OM to begin working our next assignments. I told her I’d done what I needed to do to get back to the southeast US, which the area she said she was going, with our without OM. She then told me OM also had been told he might go to Wash state or Hawaii. I asked if that meant she was for sure going with him…she said she didn’t know, but if she had to make the choice right now, she would follow OM. No fireworks, very calm, business like discussion. The first night home she went out to a friend’s going away party and then stayed at OM’s house until 0500. The next night she went to another friend’s going away and came home at 0500 (no OM this time). She even told me about some of the places they went and said maybe if they went next weekend we could get a babysitter and she and I could both go. Then…we go to church on Sunday. The sermon was not anything radical, just your standard if you believe and live with God you’ll get your heavenly reward, if not, you won’t. It really, really, really hit the W between the eyes. She went straight to the bedroom when we got home. I checked on her and she was crying…spent a good 2-3 hours in bed. Of course, when I took D7 out for an errand she jumped right on to the email with OM. She was more depressed than I have ever seen her. She told me later that night that she could not go back to church, the guilt was too much and she couldn’t do that to herself. She said she had thought we could “hang out” together, even referenced the tentative plans we had made earlier that day, but now she felt she had to distance herself from me in order to deal with the guilt of what she has done to me. Basically, she doesn’t want to be alone with me or in any social settings. It is almost like just looking at me brings her overwhelming guilt. She says there’s nothing I can do to help…the problem is all hers. I didn’t say much…just listened. She did say she was going to see the MC...we’ll see what happens…if she does or not is her call. Additionally, she found out yesterday that the job she thought she was starting next week is on hold. The job was in the hospital where the OM works…OM is the #2 guy running the place. I’m 99% sure she got the job on her own merits, (she is waaaay overqualified for it, but there just aren’t many jobs here), but it appears somebody tipped off the hiring office about their affair and it appears she may not get the job. The hiring officials are concerned (rightly so) about perception. Of course, that just adds more “it is us against the world” fuel to their fire. Sorry for another long post…it is amazing what can happen in less than three days.
