I saw the MC yesterday (alone…W & D7 still in the US for one more week). When I described my feelings of anger to him, he suggested that I might want to let my W know about these feelings, maybe in a letter. The MC is familiar with DR techniques and he is a solution based guy. His point is that I have been detaching and letting the W go about her business, without much R talk. He thinks that she may be using my actions as a way of validating her own…in other words, when I told her I would not beg, plead, pursue, etc. she took that to mean that I was “OK” with both the D and the A…that I was totally accepting that it is for the best. He said that she may be seeing my stance as normal actions…in other words, since my mo over the last four years was to give her space, and not push her too hard about working on the “us” part of the marriage, she may see my current stance as par for the course. I think, in a round about way, he’s suggesting a 180…in other words, let her know I AM passionate about the sych and I AM pissed because I don’t feel as if she meet me halfway in our reconciliation efforts. In a separate conversation my MIL, who has never heard of DB-ing, said something similar…that maybe I needed to let my W know I have enough passion about this sych to be really angry. She also relayed that my W is telling her she is totally convinced that a D is the best thing for me because I can find someone who will truly make me happy, yadda yadda.
