Conversely, the team found a man's libido remained the same regardless of how long he had been in a relationship. Assuming the primary equipment works. You know, the thoughts, slight erection or that tingly feeling, more thoughts more erection, more "interest chain" you wrote about.
Too bad bf's secondary equipment (hands, fingers, etc)is not being put into use. That takes more empathy (in a particular area) and has to overcome some strongly rooted mental aversions some people might have. Sorry {{{{{Lil}}}}}.
The degree of pleasure the woman seemed to be experiencing got me thinking "why wouldn't a man want to please his woman like that, for her benefit." Was she acting or was she really that caught up into the activity? I hope the woman's facial expressions and body language was real desire, and not acting. Would the Sinclair Institute encourage that?
Anyway Lil, hands only. I know you said bf has an oral and ?? ick factor. The video clip made me think of what men with ED are missing and how some of their wife's life could be enhanced.
I was thinking the Sinclair video would have been something to introduce when you went to the Undefended Love workshop. 20/20 hindsight? Yes. I think your bf has it in him but he can't, won't, doesn't know how to let it out.
In the mean time he sounds like a gem in so mant other ways.
HD. I read the article. Makes sense to a degree but does not explain Ms. HD.
Yes, we know that LD men do not respond correctly. When compared to HD men, they have nothing in common. This thread is specifically NOT about them. Dr. Laura's book is SPECIFICALLY not about LD men.
Have you completely read the book? It is written SPECIFICALLY for LD women that want to fix their marriages. Dr. Laura just cuts to the chase, she eliminates all the PC stuff and goes right to the stuff that will actually make a difference. Let's face it, there are 4 outcomes to the LD women/HD male problem:
1) Neither changes - Failed marriage. 2) He changes only - Failed Marriage. 3) She changes only - Possible failed marriage if he is still a Neantherdal. 4) She changes/He changes - SUCCESS!!!
We have talked about this before on these boards, that until the LD spouse is fully engaged in fixing the problem, there is NOTHING the HD can do that will save the marriage. Dr. Laura is also saying the same thing, the LD female must be FULLY committed to fixing the problem before it can get better. SHE is the DETERMINING factor, he really is not. What Dr. Laura is saying is that men will change when their needs are met because their needs are PHYSICAL, they are driven SUBCONSIOUSLY, they are ADDICTIVE in nature. However, women are NOT this way, LD women are NOT driven by anything physical, by anything addictive. As she puts it, women have GREAT control over men beacuse of the male sex drive and there is nothing going the other way that is comparable. So in effect, the women has far more power to create change in the other then does the man. Literally, she has the power to cause changes in him that he really can not stop. Their is no such ability the other way.
Heck, even the monitor of these boards admitted on here that all the changes the man is supposed to make is for only one purpose, to encourage the women to then tackle the problem. Us guys are NOT working the problem, our only real input is to hopefully make it worthwhile for the women to take on the issue, to do the REAL problem solving. When she takes on the problem, she in effect will be implementing Dr. Lauras strategy.
What we have all been trying to do is WRITE the book "THe proper care and feeding of wives". The strategy that a HD man can use to change his marriage on his own. Well guess what, there IS no such book, and there never WILL be such a book from Dr. Laura. In her own words, it does not work.
I know the book is directed specifically to LD women...what it doesn't account for however, are the different type of men out there. I'm not commenting about whether or not the LD needs to commit...what I comment about is the fact that you expect someone to commit to having sex.....yet YOU have stated time and again that just going through the motions without "desire" wouldn't cut it for you. For an LD woman to commit to having sex on a regular basis CeMar, she WILL be merely going through the motions and checking things off her list of things to do.
THAT was my point. You have stated several times that this would still be unsatisfactory to you. You want DESIRE, like many of us do. However, until other issues within the M are resolved, a woman's desire is simply not likely to be there....period.
...to continue GEL's thought, what you're saying, CeMar, is that the woman has to do the thing that you refuse to do, namely, have sex without desire. It doesn't work for you, so why should it work for her?
The book IS about desire. If she gives her man what he needs sexually, then he will AUTOMATICALLY become what she wants? I hear ladies all the time on her show commenting that once they started meeting their husbands physical needs that he AUTOMATICALLY became a better person to live with and started meeting their needs.
BUT...I think what Lil and I are getting at is this. She WILL have to go through the motions, there will not be desire (for who knows how long, until he makes changes as well).
This is something you yourself have said would be unsatisfactory to you. So you are preaching to other women to do things that you have stated....YOU wouldn't accept from your own LD wife. CeMar, it doesn't make sense for you to be telling women to do these things...when YOU have told us time and time again that you wouldn't accept that exact same behavior from your own wife if she just went through the motions too...and that's exactly what it would be...going through the motions....without desire, for who knows how long (it will depend upon the couple and their reactions to each other)?
It might help if you could explain why you would suggest that another woman take this approach....when it wouldn't be acceptable to you for your own wife to do this? I mean, no offense CeMar...but you have complained endlessly about how unfulfilling sex without desire is for you....so it simply does not make sense to me now that you would tell someone else to take that approach.f
YOU say if she gives her man what he wants sexually...then he will automatically become what she wants (which, still does not apply to all men LD/HD.) If what he wants is "desire"...going through the motions won't achieve this. I could see how that might work if the woman is actually withholding sex as a weapon and does have a SD, but if someone is truly LD...I don't see this approach working. I see it building tons of resentment on both sides.
Sorry {{{{{Lil}}}}}.
