Another site for videos about sexuality from people that are known by many and have books or have been on some TV programs Meet the Experts/Sexperts Or maybe this page has more videos and information June Machover Reinisch, Ph.D.
Yes 2:30 A.M. again. No use going to bed and wishing. The bedroom now has A/C.
LOL! Wic, I am a newbie and have come on this site to look for ideas on what drives my wife LD. I feel like you are describing me when you talk about your husband. And in turn, you could be my wife.
Regardless, I can tell you this. Your 10 pounds or even 20 doesn't bother me nor does it on my wife. I love her and only want to ML to her. It is her lack of desire and passion that bother me which also drives the low frequency of ML, imo.
We too only ML 1xweek but also skip weeks. I too have been trying to get her to watch movies, but primarily in a attempt to restore her desire. My logic dictates that if I have an increased desire after watching a movie then maybe she will too. In an attempt to "fix" things, I can only go by what I know and my perspective. But obviously, that is not the way to go.
My guess is this...if you can figure out a way to increase your sexual drive and desire, then the things that worry you about your husband will go away.
But let me know if you figure out a way to increase your drive and desire. I would like to try it on my wife
I know this thread is a few days old but thought I would weigh in on this. Sorry about the length.
I've read books, articles and everything else imaginable to figure out why my W is in the same boat you are in. The only time she initiates sex is after about 2-3 glasses of Merlot. You could give that a try! However we are on 6 months of no ML at all, so that hasn't happened. I digress...In all seriousness though, I would highly suggest you have a discussion with your H directly about this. For the longest time I tried to ask my W why we could not have sex, and I got the same old story...I'm tired, the kids might get up, I have to get up early, etc, etc, etc..As I too had to deal with the rejection I handled it in a much worse way. I should have gone to the porn like your H. Anyway, since I couldn't get a straight answer from my W, I began to speculate and develop my own theories. The worst of which was that I convinced myself that she was attracted to someone else or better yet having an affair. This caused even bigger issues in our marriage. So the reason I say to have a serious sit down with your H is two-fold: First, it will allow you to get these feelings off your chest and may also get your H's attention. Having an intelligent, mature conversation about your sex life is never easy. Work with your H to come to some type of solutions or goals. Perhaps a visit to your MD or OB might not be out of the question. Second: It will definitely set your H's mind at ease knowing that you acknowledge the issue and that you want to work on it. Nothing pleases us guys more than to know that our Ws want us too, but are dealing with having a Libido problem.
You mentioned that you have 2 young kids. What I noticed is that after our kids were born my W's libido dropped dramatically. Mine on the other hand skyrocketed. I found a deeper love for my W than I could ever imagine after the birth of our kids. It was something I never could explain but I wanted her so bad it hurt and I couldn't think about anything else. So when your H tells you he wants you so much, I truly believe he means that. Women never will understand it until us men start pushing out kids.
Not to scare you but your problem is more common than you think. The good news is that there is help out there. You may have a hormone deficiency that is causing your libido to drop. In addition, most men have a hormone imbalance in that we are loaded with Testosterone. That hormone is the key to your sex drive. Do a google search for women with low libido. You will be surprised to see all that is out there.
As for your H getting upset and resorting to watching porn may be his way of dealing with the rejection. Us guys don't take well to being denied. If it bothers you that he watches that, don't be afraid to tell him. If you don't mind it then here is a little trick you can use to blow his mind. (No Pun Intended) The next time you experience a rejection and he goes to the porn, try your hardest to stay awake in bed until he comes to bed. When he gets in bed to go to sleep, gently tap him on the shoulder and ask him directly, "so did you learn anything you want to try?" The look on his face will be absolutely priceless, I can guarantee it. Of course never feel obligated to do anything you are uncomfortable with. The only other thing I can offer is this. Guys are not the best at doing anything other than ML to show our W how much we love them and want them to be happy. On that note, don't be afraid to tell him exactly what YOU like/want!! Guys love that!! You may find that increasing the pleasure may increase your overall desire.
Your husband is totally normal, he loves and adores you and finds you the sexiest woman in the world he only turns to porn as a means to deal with the rejection that he feels he is garenteed to experience if he expresses his true desires to you.
Keep finding out what turns you on and sharing it with him, it will be good for both of you.
You need to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" . Men are terribly simple and women don't understand this because women are complicated and can't believe that men are as simple as they are. Basically, what the book explains is that by providing TONS of great sex and admiration (they go hand in hand), you will become the women that he would do ANYTHING for. Once you have got him on the hook with sex, you can literally get him to do ANYTHING, you can lead him ANYWHERE in a relationship, you can get whatever you want from your relationship. I agree 100% with here book, I am exactly the way she describes men. The hard part is that you are going to have to be sexual WAY beyond your comfort level. She recommends that for 2 months, you have sex EVERYDAY and then do something else physical like kissing everyday as well. Do that, and likely you will have him eating out of your hand. For a sexy woman like that, I know I would move heaven and earth to keep her happy.
That book would be a great suggestion, IF there weren't already other issues in the M. You cannot expect a woman to shell out tons of sex.....when she doesn't have the desire to go there. That would be tons of emotionless, forced sex.....which as I recall you've already stated wouldn't be satisfactory for you, so why would it be for him?
The other issues in the M need to be addressed first. I'm not saying she shouldn't read the book, reading a book is never a bad thing to do.
As you can see we all come from vastly different perspectives here. The thing that seems to bind all of us together is that there are never any easy answers. I am troubled by your statement that you H doesn't want to deal with the emotional stuff at the end of a tiring day. If that is the case it is no wonder your libido is in the toilet. My question is whether he doesn't want to deal with it because he's tired or is he resentful because he feels like you are requiring hoop jumping in order for him to get sex? Maybe you could come up with some kind of compromise? What about scheduled sex once/week AND scheduled 15 minutes/day of talk time? Of course, these negotiations always sound easier to do than they are in practice but it is a thought to move things closer to the direction you both want.
The bedroom now has A/C.
However we are on 6 months of no ML at all, so that hasn't happened. I digress...In all seriousness though, I would highly suggest you have a discussion with your H directly about this. For the longest time I tried to ask my W why we could not have sex, and I got the same old story...I'm tired, the kids might get up, I have to get up early, etc, etc, etc..As I too had to deal with the rejection I handled it in a much worse way. I should have gone to the porn like your H. Anyway, since I couldn't get a straight answer from my W, I began to speculate and develop my own theories. The worst of which was that I convinced myself that she was attracted to someone else or better yet having an affair. This caused even bigger issues in our marriage. So the reason I say to have a serious sit down with your H is two-fold:
