Re wiccangirl41172 Could A man possibly want a woman "that much".. What do you mean that much? What you describe borders on a low-cal diet to some guys.
I never want him or want to have sex with him"..we have sex about once a wk.. maybe less sometimes He probably feels the "you not wanting him" in more than a sexual way. When sex lacks the emotional connection and there are frequent no's, a person feels a loss of value in himself.
He tells me he would never cheat and that he just wants me all the time. I started out not wanting anyone else, thought guys that cheat were selfish and thought there were never any good reasons to cheat. That is till some of the no's were going on for many, many years with just enough yes's to keep me in the M or to keep me from totally losing interest. It's not quite that bad IRL, but you get the picture.
No, I never had an A, don't really want one but now understand why people do have A's. A bread and water sex diet in a land of plenty does not compute.
You might feel it is just about sex. Some is. It is also about him wanting to feel close to you emotionally, about him wanting you to want, need, and appreciate him in many ways. It can be about wanting you to feel like he does, and experience the same highs he feels. It's different to different people.
It is usually more than just sex and this is what some H's have such a difficult time getting across to some W's.
Of course your reasons and feelings are just as valid.
He also is very Kinky or are you very reserved?
Would you look at some Sinclair Intimacy Institute, "sex education for married couples" educational videos? I could post a link to parts of one video dealing with the woman's pleasure. I don't want to overload you or suggest something you might consider too graphic. The Sinclair products are used by sex therapist and educators. People strip and do it to help demonstrate what some people like sexually.
I've really always had a low sex drive, except at the beginning of our relationship. What did you get out of your early R that you don't get now? Would you be willing to ask your H to help get back some of what was there, or be willing to try some different things at your pace?
We had a thread about women not asking for what they need and they were having sex with their H's and putting on a happy face but losing interest in sex. It is difficult for many people to ask for something they want/need, be it variety, pace, lead up time, etc.
I will say ask your H for specific things. Saying more consideration does not mean the same thing to him as it does to you. Say touch/rub/hold/kiss here. Take his hand and show him how fast and with the amount of action or pressure you like.
I don't want to get too detailed at this time because I don't want to make you uncomfortable.
I know this is my problem, I'm just tired alot with two small kids.. but I've really always had a low sex drive, Kids, work, bills get in the way of having fun. Kids do take a lot out of some people.
He watches them on occasion late at night while I'm asleep. I have done some of that too. I would have done it less had my W been more accommodating. Too many "it's late" or "we just did it" (2-3 weeks ago) from her. I understand her reluctance to have sex but it really upsets what I would really like to happen.
A poster, Chrissy was not into sex as much as her H. She decided to do it with him 8X a month but he had to show her more attention/consideration during the month. She held up her part of the offer but he welshed on the attention/considerations part and she began to likes sex less and less. Recently she was looking to separate.
My point is, If you decide to up the frequency, ask for things you need to feel valued, sexy, or what ever is missing right now. In some cases, giving without receiving leads to resentments. Everyone is different.
Giving and receiving is based on a sense of good will flowing both ways in the R.
I wanted to voice my views and post a few things that might help you and your H.
I am just curious, do you want more help from women, men, or about equal gender replies.
wiccangirl41172, this paragraph is not a complaint. It is 2:45 A.M. I am up because my w does not like sex, gets too warm when I am hugging her, and generally has many negative attitudes about things in life. In short, I have a lot of frustrations. I would rather be in bed, but wanting and not getting has a price I pay. I stay up and read, post and do some work on things. I would rather be in bed but have a difficult time with the emotional, sexual, and physical differences that are in our M. I would like you and your H to avoid being where I am after 38 years of M.
There are lots of caring people here, so stick around, open up and ask all kinds of questions. We are not professionals but come up with some golden advice and insights.
