but I've really always had a low sex drive, except at the beginning of our relationship

Why did you have a higher sex drive at the beginning of your R?
Please dont say.. I dont know. we cant work with that.
What about your H caused you to crave him more then, then you do now?
How have your perceptions of your H changed since then?

Its understandable that you are tired and stressed from the young'uns.

Things have gotten a little better since I have been trying to communicate what I like to do

do what works. Spend time thinking about what you like, how you like it, and why you like it, so that you can communicate it to him better.

Does he initiate once a week? or is it more often and you opt out?