Wicangirl.... The situation you are describing is EXACTLY the situation I am in right now. Just warning you, this could turn into babble talk - hehe
I am not here to give you advice, or any of that because I am still trying to find my way myself. but you did ask for a male's opinion and I am giving you my perspective on the situation:
At least for me... what I am looking for is the same passion, desire that I had w/ my W when we first met. You know that very first time you went out and the sparks were there and you ML (it was not ML then, but it is now - hehe). there was no holding back, you just went w/ the flow of the situation - there was no turning away, no saying no - everything just felt right. Grant it, you might have held back in certain ways cause you just met, but there still was that feeling between the 2 of you where you knew you could just do it, do it right and you could spend an hour or 2 having your treat, together.
Well, that is what I am in search of... problem is my W and I have different viewpoints on wwhat is considered fun and passionate and sexy and pleasureable and.......
I often ask myself how is it that after 10yrs I have grown, wanted to experience more, do more, etc - yet my W does not? I am not saying you are wrong, or your H is wrong. I am just saying that as we age, together, we grow - maybe in different ways. we lose sight and touch on what takes to keep the deep passion alive.
from the male perspective (again, my opinion - as i see it): all we want to be shown is that you care, that you love us, that you want us, that you desire us, that you crave us. its not so much the sex (or the Big O) that we want, as much as it is the effort and playfulness that goes along with it, that leads up to it. We want to share fantasies, desires, wants, etc..... we want to share them every chance we get because it is what is important to us. it is our release, our way of showing affection, love, etc.(almost like we dont know how else to do show it).
As you can see as you started to open up things got better because there was that line he was seeking.... what you cant forget though is the payoff (where my W falls now). The affection is there, the talk is there, the playfulness is there (at times), yet when it comes the end of the day (or after a couple of days of playing) and its time to be intimate or take it to the next level, the disappointment for the male is so huge because you did all this talking, playing, sharing yet the experience was so...... not what was talked about. I dont mean to say you have to do everything that was talked about, but listen to what your partner is saying. Let me explain:
This week started out great and it has been sour since about midweek because of my ordeal w/ my W. Because she has made similar efforts as you (based on what you said and i am assuming a bit here, but i am sure i am accurate a bit - hehe- there i go again) and things were great. as we talked and played i told her a couple of things that i could really go for.... it was fun - the play lasted 2 full days. by the end of the 3rd day i had enough, time to take the lead. luckily the lead i took started out promising because i think the W was understanding my need and was ready to.... so to make a long story short - the end result was horrible because in the end, I ended up gettin turned away from the one thing i said i was in the mood to do, which i thought based on our conversations were cool. its like, why dont you just say, YOU DONT LOVE ME ANYMORE, WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME... we deep down know you dont mean that (which is why we seek alternative methods to distract us), but it still feels that way
ok, i babbled (sorry) and yes, it can be confusing as it sounds like we dont know what we want or we change our story a bit, but i can assure you, that is exactly what is going thru his head.... its going thru mine
