Quote: See that the opposite of anger is not passivity but more functional assertiveness.
Good article. The quote above is what struck me as most relevant to my situation. Also the part about "covert complaining" is relevant since we all have the tendency to do a lot of that on this BB. The question is how do you transcend those feelings of "unfairness" in order to drop your anger? Several weeks ago my H and I had a semi-drunken fight during which we found ourselves saying back and forth "You are just unlucky to have ended up married to me.", "No, you are the unlucky one to be married to me." etc. etc.. I had a rather hard*ss teacher in H.S. who used to say "Life isn't always fair but it is equitable.". The not very "fair" marital situations we find ourselves in are the result of many choices big and small we have made over the years including many made well before we even contemplated marriage. For instance, why did I make choices that allowed me to gain 10 lbs. this winter when I know that I am married to a man who will use my weight as an excuse or reason for LD? I have good excuses on my side too but not many good reasons.
I know I'm rambling a bit off-topic here but it is clear to me that many of you who were previously divorced are finding yourselves "stuck" in your current marriages in part due to your inability to forgive yourselves for making bad choices previously. I think this is due to the fact that you are still angry at your exes. I mean from my perspective you are all lovely, intelligent, lovable people and therefore I can not believe that your previous partners were quite the dysfunctional villains or villainesses you make them out to be. For example, I get the feeling that Haidog's ex-wife and I could have a lot of fun hanging out together. It totally cracked me up that he once made a rather prissy comment that she went through a "slutty" phase after they divorced. My point is that his continuing anger at his "slutty" ex-wife is in part keeping him "stuck" in his current relationship with his "frigidly-polar-opposite-of-slutty" current wife. I suspect a similar dynamic is at play in your relationship along the lines of HD-non-family-man vs. LD-super-family-man.
Please feel free to ignore me and tell me to mind my own beeswax- LOL.- Preacher Mojo
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
The question is how do you transcend those feelings of "unfairness" in order to drop your anger? Several weeks ago my H and I had a semi-drunken fight during which we found ourselves saying back and forth "You are just unlucky to have ended up married to me.", "No, you are the unlucky one to be married to me." etc. etc.. I had a rather hard*ss teacher in H.S. who used to say "Life isn't always fair but it is equitable.". The not very "fair" marital situations we find ourselves in are the result of many choices big and small we have made over the years including many made well before we even contemplated marriage. For instance, why did I make choices that allowed me to gain 10 lbs. this winter when I know that I am married to a man who will use my weight as an excuse or reason for LD? I have good excuses on my side too but not many good reasons. 