I think when you ask yourself this, you are sort of setting yourself up to be a perfect case for Schnarch. You have so much invested in your relationship that maybe you are afraid to push on the sex issue. Since your BF has ED there are practical problems involved but why couldn't he pleasure you for the same reasons that he is motivated to care for you in other ways? Though maybe what you are trying to say is that because you felt like your sex drive was largely motivated by a need for validation being pleasured by a man who wasn't feeling particularly sexual himself wouldn't do the trick in that regard? You wanted to be wanted sexually more than you simply wanted sex yourself. I think this is rather confusing to think about because to a large extent sexual encounters are built on a sort of desire feedback loop, like a good conversation. But it sounds like your BF is a good listener so maybe a virtually one-sided encounter with him might be better than you think as long as you went into it without expectations of sparkling repartee.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
