I know you will probably find this impossible to understand, but it's not my bf's good looks that is my primary reason for wanting to stay with him. It's the fact that he is just about the perfect partner in EVERY way. By that I mean he is affectionate, upbeat (not moody), willing to work on himself, spiritually inclined (just enough, which is to say a bit less than me, but not too much. He goes with me to Temple on my husband's yahrzeit, and introduced me to Indian meditation classes conducted by a friend of his who spent a month in India with a guru), adores my animals and doesn't have any qualms about taking care of them, cleaning up after them, etc., holds up 100%+ of ALL household maintenance/cleaning related things at his house and more than a fair share at my house, is devoted to his daughters in a pretty spectacular way, will watch ANY movie that I bring into the house without complaint, in fact: he just about NEVER complains about anything, works tirelessly in my yard/garden every weekend for the sheer joy of it, can fix or build ANYTHING, is generous with his limited finances (i.e. picks up the tab at dinner, buys me jewelry off the internet to surprise me, etc.), never comments or complains about any mess I make at his house (cosmetics, clothes, computer stuff, books, food, etc.), doesn't control the tv remote, shares music with me (sings in college choir with me), if I bring in music I want him to hear, he will stop everything and listen to it and give intelligent comments, will read long things I forward to him on the internet, and make intelligent comments on those, checks the oil in my car on his own, never nags me ever about anything, doesn't make a face at me if he comes home at 2:00 in the afternoon and I'm still sitting in front of the computer in my nightgown, doesn't pout if I decide to go to my house for the night, in fact is not moody or pouty AT ALL ever (THAT'S a newie for me-- never met a guy who NEVER pouts), doesn't get between me and his daughters but lets us have our own relationship, faithfully goes to see his therapist every week and is growing emotionally by leaps and bounds, he never has angry outbursts anymore, he's been sober for over two years, he's a fantastic cook who will cheerfully cook anything I or anyone else want for dinner, he calls from the store and says, "do you want me to pick up anything while I'm here," he loves any kind of shopping for clothes, groceries, and will happily go to the mall or Wal-Mart or a feed store (usually I'm ready to go long before he is), he's a easygoing cheerful traveler, he thinks the best of people and gives them the benefit of the doubt (I'm less forgiving and more cynical), he has meticulous hygiene, lights scented candles in the living room all the time, can talk baby talk without it sounding stupid, agrees with me on diet and dietary practices so we never disagree over menus or ingredients (i.e., we both prefer butter, grass-fed beef, whole foods), always has a pie on hand, makes coffee first thing every day and if when I get there it's already all gone will say, "Can I make you a pot?" cheerfully and graciously... in short, he is a lovely, gracious, hardworking person.
On top of all of that he is drop-dead gorgeous and has a great body and is very ornamental to take out in public, friendly, talks to people, engages them in conversation.... you never have to worry about him getting bored or boring people when you take him to a party.
And yeah, he has ED. But we still sleep in spooned nakedness every night... go figure.
I know I could find someone else, even at "my age," but I'm not sure I could find that whole package. And that whole package makes him very easy to live with these days. The man who was my best and favorite lover was not someone I could have lived with.
I have some more thoughts on this... I may start a thread to analyze them a bit.
