Quote: Yes, actually I think I took that line of thinking to its logical conclusion when I said something to my H along the lines of "Well, that's a good reason to go find a skinny woman to have sex with but it's not a good reason to not have sex with me in a monogamous relationship."
To me that is saying to him you have to think the way he is thinking now. But it says well you can go find a skinny woman to have sex with because I am not like that so have sex with me in this monogamous relationship the way I am it doesn't matyter what your preference is.
See I have been in this exact same boat before. I remember feeling hurt and angry and lashing out with comments like go find a skinny girl then. Or go find someone you think is attractive. I was hurt that he didn't love me for who I was no matter what age and time brought. But thinking back comments like that only made me look even more insecure and in need for his validation that I was a sexy woman. Also now that I have lost weight and am better place to be able to look back and analyze this better. The fact is I would have much rather had the honesty then him pretending to be attracted. I am okay now that he has preferences and prefers a thin woman who looks nice. In fact in talking to quite a few men since then it isn't a rare thing that men feel this way. A lot of men fear that women will get big after marriage. It's kind of like even us as women have preferences or things that really get our motor burning. Like maybe it could be a guy with a beard and dark hair. Then our guy goes and shaves off his beard and dyes his hair blonde.
There is one thing that does bother me about my husband since that happened years ago. See he doesn't hold himself up to that same standard. He has put on like 30-40 pounds. In fact I said something to him a couple months back that it bothered me that he held me up to a standard that he didn't hold for his own self. I think this hit home to him because he has started to try and work out and eat better.
So I guess what I am confused about here is some people have posted they think your husband is mean and I guess being verbally abusive. But what would be worse having no desire because of his preferences and never saying a word? Or stating them and getting it out in the open for communication so that it can be worked on?
They say communication is key to any marriage. So how do you think he should handle this?
