Quote: What I had in mind was something along the lines of letting him know that by turning you down, how much he has hurt your feelings and how lonely you might feel. That is every bit as much a consequence as whopping him upside the head, but it would be a 180 sort of consequence. It would also be more I line with the theme you seem to be developing for more honesty and acknowledging your own issues.
I guess I don't see how this would be a 180 for me given my previous identity as super cry-baby. A very common reaction throughout my marriage before I joined this BB to sexual rejection was to cry and ask for comfort. A typical interaction might go like:
Mojo: Would you like to have sex?
H: No.
Mojo: Crying "Can I have a hug? I feel so alone."
H: No. It is perverse for you to ask me for comfort when I am the one who made you cry.
Therefore, the expression of feelings of hurt is your 180 and not mine, so I guess you are on your own.- LOL.
The expression of feelings of anger or "stand-up-for-myself-ness" is more of a 180 for me. Also, you have to remember that, unlike you and I, my H had a very smothering-love, guilt-provoking, type mother so he sees expressions of that sort as manipulative even if they are honest. My H would MUCH rather hear me say "I am going to leave your *ss if you don't f*ck me proper." than "I am so sad because you are not making me feel loved through the act of coitus.". His emotional response to the first would be "Good for you!" and his emotional response to the second would be "That's your problem.". It has obviously taken me years to figure this out but it really is true.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
