Oh, I agree that he is tuned into my emotions but hyper-sensitivity is not the same thing as empathy.
I agree. And this is where I am in my M too. I need to step up to the next phase which is to show my W more empathy and compassion, which is why she complains that she does not show any compassion to me. But expecting her to go first is foolish (since she has never gone first on anything as it is too vulnerable and scary for her).
So I need to try and suck it up the best I can an offer empathy when I really feel like throwing her a roundhouse kick. Sometimes I can make the “shift” (as Hairdog calls it) and sometimes I can’t.
However, my desire to protect my children in this way was a direct result of the fact that I grew up in a very un-peaceful household. Now that I can understand this fully, I can see that my previous "wimpyness" was really a sort of ignorance or blindness rather than an essential character trait.
Lil, not to pre-empt your discussion, but I think I also see what is bothering you. Is it this renewed resolve in Mojo to stop the passivity, take action and file for D if necessary? This bothers me too since I do not in any way believe Mojo is at the point of D. I think SHE thinks she is, but until you walk up to the brink, I’m not sure the full impact of D can really hit you. That is part of what my wife and I learned earlier this year. Some of the D talk is self empowerment, some is ultimatum threatening to regain control, some is fantasy about the life after D.
But once you open that box, you must be ready to deal with whatever comes out. It seems to me Mojo, that you are making some good progress, and assuming that any stalling which might occur can only be resolved by D is a little extremist thinking. I just wonder how clearly you have differentiated this new found assertiveness to overcome your “wimpiness” to your H versus lingering frustration toward your mother for the years of “wimpiness” you felt you had to endure under her. Don’t punish your H for what your mother did, otherwise you will have become your mother.
