Quote: I know what you mean-- you feel that it's up to you to enforce the agreement... but I want to point out the fallacy in your thinking. If he doesn't follow through, YOU haven't failed at anything. YOU are not a wimp. (I HATE that word, btw-- it's a word full of self-loathing). If he doesn't follow through, he has failed, not you.
I guess what I meant in part was that the reason that I didn't follow through with filing a few weeks ago was that I felt like I was a bad person for wanting to divorce him for sexual reasons. This lack of willingness to be the "bad guy" was a way in which I was wimpy, just like my insecurities about my appearance were a way that I was wimpy in the past. If my H violates this agreement I intend to file for divorce. I will not, for instance, approach him on a Thursday and say "Why didn't you initiate sex with me yesterday OR communicate with me about why you didn't" looking for explanations. I can't imagine an explanation that would be acceptable. However, as I go forward with the process of filing, I expect that I will encounter situations in which I will react in ways that I can't anticipate. There may be a trigger that I will be unable to pull, for good reasons or bad. So, I guess I'm really not anticipating "back-sliding" so much as the potential for dealing with problems that I have not yet encountered.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
