Angry no more

[MJontheMend]

The more frustrating part is that once you get there, the backslides occur and it’s another uphill battle to just get back to where you were. Hopefully that won’t happen.

If I consider the reasons why backsliding might happen it's clear to me that they would all be the direct or indirect result of me wimping out in some way, so I guess my main worry in that regard is that I'll discover yet another way in which I am a wimp and have to work through it.

Funny what he says about your physical appearance and attraction. It mimics what others on this board have been saying to you, that it is attitude, not so much appearance that counts.

This is true but it's also true that context does matter. I am 100% confident that if I was in the company of a man who was giving off "I am hot for you" vibes, I wouldn't be giving off any "lack of confidence about my appearance vibes". For instance, I am perfectly capable of smiling at a man who checks me out on the street. Also, I have frequently been bold as brass in my attempts to seduce my H. I must say I am mystified as to what sort of lack of confidence about my sexuality or appearance I am projecting when I do something like take my shirt off and start playing with my breasts in front of my H. Also, my H on occasion initiates sex himself by saying things like "I'm going to take a shower. When I come out I'd like to see you on your hands and knees playing with yourself and moaning.". Once again, I don't see how I could happily oblige with his request and yet still project lack of confidence about my sexuality and appearance.

Though I suppose I should try not to be defensive about this issue. I can see how there might be some truth there because I probably do hold myself back more than I would with a HD man in some semi-consious ways. For instance, a while back when I was discussing the issue with my H after I had had a couple drinks I did something that sort of through him for a loop. I was lying on bed and he was across the room. I said "I wish I had the kind of husband who would just cuddle up to me at night" and I wiggled my *ss as though there was a man next to me who I was snuggling into suggestively. This is the type of thing I don't do with my H because I've come to expect a sort of cuddly and responsive as an ironing board type response from him. Thus, I am confident enough to make bold moves when I am actively trying to get a sexual response from him but I am conditioned to be inhibited about making all the sort of natural little moves I might make with a HD man.