Does this help: it is NEVER right for your husband to treat you with disrespect. NEVER.
And even if you did do something where you think you "deserve" disrespect, it is still wrong for him to treat you with disrespect.
If you were sitting on the sofa at 300 lbs and working through your second box of Krispy Kremes, you would not "deserve" to be treated with disrespect.
You always deserve respect, no matter what-- I would venture to say there are no exceptions to that. Even murderers are treated with respect in the courtroom.
Yeah, any given spouse isn't always going to treat you with respect/kindness, but that's HIS/HER issue and HIS/HER rudeness. YOU do not make someone treat you abusively by your behavior.
Giving him the "cold shoulder" is not a good way to deal with it. And saying "you don't like it when I do it to you" is also deflecting, changing the subject, and a distraction.
Dealing with the p/a "looks" and "eyerolls" is really hard, because the offender usually denies them and accuses you of being "too sensitive." One can't argue with them. One simply has to say EVERY TIME: "Please do not treat me with disrespect. It hurts." And then do not get into a discussion about it. (And DON'T get into a discussion about how you're not going to get into a discussion if you kwim. Remember the mud pit and the chessboard-- simply leave the field.)
