With my H it's more like he takes things that are impersonal and makes them personal.
Isn’t this what boundaries, self esteem and knowing your core values are all about?
By analogy, if a guy is cranky because he has a bad relationship with his boss and he comes home from work and kicks the dog and says "Get out of my way fat dog." what can the dog rationally do besides consider whether or not she is indeed fat and whether or not she should find a better kitchen in which to hang out?
Your question seems to me that you accept the premise that he has the right to make such a statement in the first place. That means you immediately own his issues. Then you squirm around trying to find a way to deal with it when you never should have owned it in the first place. It’s like you can’t see the forest for the trees.
Tell him such a remark is disrespectful, you will not stand for it, he doesn’t like it when you make such remarks to him, that you think he is projecting his own frustrations onto you and you are not going to be his whipping boy any more, and that he needs to be a man and assert himself when needed at work and stop bringing the crap home.
