Quote: Maybe I'll save the rest of that thought for my thread, but I guess the takeaway is that our anxiety about how they will react is not good for us.
The thing that struck me in the grocery store wasn't so much a realization that the anxiety wasn't good for me but just the bare fact that I was carrying around so much underlying anxiety. I didn't have a divorce fantasy about getting rid of this anxiety because I wasn't even conscious of the fact that it was there to get rid of until I told my H I was going to file. Hank wasn't so much a divorce fantasy as a coping mechansim that allowed me to hold onto myself when I was first Schnarching my H. Since Hank and Stuart (how could you forget Stuart?-LOL) are masculine ideals that I created they are really aspects of my own personality.
Quote: Once you've "popped the cherry" and told your spouse that you want out, or that you're considering leaving them; it just gets easier and easier to go down that road. You've just given a name to your frustrations, and have therefore given the concept a place in your relationship.
Well, I would say that the concept already had a place in our relationship because my H has indicated that he wanted to leave many times in response to my demands/request/stated needs since I've been on this BB. The difference is that this is the first time that I actually was actively fed up enough to bring up the subject myself. Though I do agree that it has made a difference in my POV to be the one who is saying "I'm outta here." instead of hearing it.
Quote: my advice is to never mention filing again, unless you're already gone.
I guess I thought that I was. I had made my "To Do" list and everything.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
