Here's my other thought. In the olden days when my H would act like a sh*t to me my typical reaction would be to in some way or another ask him "What's wrong?". Whatever was wrong almost never had anything to do with me. If I think like Cobra , I would say that his bad behavior towards me has more to do with his fusion with his father than his fusion with me. IMO his anxiety which he vents on me is usually due to something related to work and his relationships with other men. The reason he is apt to do things like flip out and quit a job or tell a cop to "f*ck off" is that he is overly sensitive to signs of disrespect from other men because his father was a cold, withdrawn bastard when he was growing up and didn't give him much attention or affection (the sad thing is that his father has really mellowed with age and would really like to have a closer relationship with my H but it's just like that "Cat in the Cradle" song). Therefore, I end up being the dog who gets kicked just because she's in the way in the kitchen when my H is trying to get ready for work. In fact, I would say that my H's primary motivation for working on our marriage (and to give him credit he has been working on it lately) is that he doesn't want to feel like a failure. The ego blow would be worse than any loss of Mojo in his life.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
, I would say that his bad behavior towards me has more to do with his fusion with his father than his fusion with me. IMO his anxiety which he vents on me is usually due to something related to work and his relationships with other men. The reason he is apt to do things like flip out and quit a job or tell a cop to "f*ck off" is that he is overly sensitive to signs of disrespect from other men because his father was a cold, withdrawn bastard when he was growing up and didn't give him much attention or affection (the sad thing is that his father has really mellowed with age and would really like to have a closer relationship with my H but it's just like that "Cat in the Cradle" song). Therefore, I end up being the dog who gets kicked just because she's in the way in the kitchen when my H is trying to get ready for work. In fact, I would say that my H's primary motivation for working on our marriage (and to give him credit he has been working on it lately) is that he doesn't want to feel like a failure. The ego blow would be worse than any loss of Mojo in his life. 